Thursday, November 22, 2012

Fake Profiles: The Bane of Online Dating

We've all seen them before. Those profiles that look almost too good to be true, chock full of airbrushed pictures of supermodel caliber people. You wonder, "why is this person on a dating site?" and then quickly abandon the thought because it makes you feel like there's something wrong with you for dating online. And the words... they read as if the person is literally inside of your head, spying on your very thoughts. The similarities and mutual interests are almost uncanny. The eyes don't look like they belong to a serial killer so you decide to give it a shot and send them a message.

Albeit a long-shot you click on the "send" button. What the heck, right?

This is it. Maybe, just maybe, you've found the perfect person.

Wow - they responded to the message! They liked your profile and indicated that they hadn't found anyone yet. You do the "Carleton Dance" because you're so happy! You take your time as you respond, making sure to craft the perfect message back. Then you consider timing. Don't want to seem too anxious but also don't want to let the opportunity slip. After all, this person is absolutely hot and others are surely sending them messages as well.

The emails start off slow at first and then there's something in there that really sparks your interest and you decide to delve further into this new person. It's time to move the conversation offline and to a more intimate medium - the phone. You get just a little antsy about the first call. What's their voice going to sound like? Will it match how their profile looks? No worries... it does! Matter of fact, the conversation is one of the best you've ever had with anyone, including in person. No dead spots, smooth transitions and lengthy talks for hours that don't even feel like it.

The vibe is growing so you begin to drop hints about meeting in person. The object of your affection flirts around with the idea - which makes you want to meet them even more! You both plan for something in the near future and that satisfies you for the moment. Let's say a week goes by after you've both acknowledged the need to meet but the other person hasn't taken action yet. After a while, you begin to think that too much time is elapsing so you're just forthright about it and ask for formal plans.

Then, one of two things happens. Either communication slows to a snail's pace and eventually drops off completely... or their tone changes a bit and they begrudgingly agree to meet. To keep the story going, let's assume the latter happened.

You chalk up what you believe is a bit of hesitation on their part to nerves and reassure them that you really like them and that you don't think the vibe is going to be different when you finally meet. And then... the day arrives.

Perhaps they don't look anything like their profile at all. You wonder how on earth they had the audacity to post a profile of someone completely different but try not to bring it up. You just plan your escape route throughout the date and try to muffle the sense of disappointment you feel about investing so much time into someone that wasn't honest with you.

Or, the likelier scenario... is that it's obvious the profile they posted was how they looked five years or fifty pounds ago.

Your opinion of online dating is forever marred and you vow that you're going to cancel your subscription to the dating site and just try it the conventional way again.

Fake profiles are, in fact, the very bane of every online dating site. Unfortunately, the crimes of a few tend to taint the opinions of many. It doesn't have to be that way though! One way of permanently thwarting the fake profile is for online sites to move to the next logical phase... video profiles! They have the potential to change the dating game forever because they force members into accepting themselves for who they are and portraying that to others.

Ultimately, this is exactly what needs to happen for online dating to continue to evolve. People need to accept who they are, flaws and all, and have some confidence in themselves and the ability of others to see beyond what they might perceive as imperfections. And people that are looking for perfection need to get over themselves and look for what's really important in a person. That can't happen without a forum that strips away the artificiality of online dating and forces people to be real.

If you belong to the unscrupulous crowd that hasn't been honest in the past, put all your cards on the table and stop posting fake profiles. They do nothing but waste everyone's valuable time and unnecessarily tarnish the reputation of online dating. And if you're serious enough about finding love online, don't hide behind the mask of the computer screen. Let people know exactly who they're dealing with. It's only fair and best to be upfront rather than to delay the inevitable that will surely result from lying.



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