Deceitful People

I get so many emails from people asking me how you deal with betrayal. Have you ever been on the receiving end of a lie? Or, have you ever been deceived by someone you care about or worse yet who you are in love with?

There isn't anything quite like the realization that you've been lied to by someone you trusted.

When you are married or in a long-term relationship it can turn your world upside down and turn you inside out. It could possibly be the worst feeling next to losing someone you love.

Well, in a way, you have lost someone you love, in the sense that you will never feel the same about them again.

And my friends, when that happens it changes the whole complexion of your relationship forever. Not having trust in a relationship crumbles the foundation in which you build upon. It destroys the innocence and purity of something sacred and it leaves you with a constant gnawing inside that something is wrong.

Often times, incredibly, I see people blame themselves!

When dealing with deceitful people you have to keep one very important thing in mind, it's not you, it's them. No one is perfect, we all have our issues, but this particular flaw is the worst.

For instance, some one that gambles can't gamble 24-7. You know when they're gambling or not. Or an alcoholic can't drink all day long. You know when they're drinking or not. But, when you deal with a liar, any time anything comes out of their mouth you never know if it's the truth or a lie. You simply don't know when they're lying or not. Period.

It's one of the toughest issues to deal with inside of a relationship. If you were action heroes you would have to possess super strength to withstand ongoing pain and overcome anything. And, your partner would have to be transparent so you could see right through him/her.

In the real world, since you're only human, there is only one thing you can do and that is decide how you are going to deal with betrayal. You have to now choose whether or not you are going to move forward and fight the uphill battle of trying to regain that trust or if you're going to walk away from someone who doesn't deserve your trust.

Believe me when I tell you, if you choose the uphill battle be prepared, because it comes fraught with so much angst that you damn well better have super powers because you are going to need them. And, if you're partner isn't willing to fight to regain your trust; it will be like you're sleeping with the enemy.

I know it sounds harsh but its reality.

It's not to say that some partners make horrible mistakes and are remorseful and would do anything to regain and rebuild that trust. It's a chance you may want to take to salvage the debris from a broken relationship. And, if successful, you may have an even stronger foundation because of a new found appreciation of how valuable you are to them.

On the other hand, if you take a chance and see the first signs of that gnawing feeling eating away at you or you simply can't trust them, it's time to ask yourself who you love more, you or them?

Dealing with betrayal is never easy, but what's easy about staying when you know you should leave? And, ultimately you may walk away from the relationship but when you walk away from a liar what have you really lost?

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