Lies: The Termites of Relationships - Why Do We Lie and How Can We Stop?

We all do it. According to some scientific surveys - and some studies pioneered by psychologist Paul Ekman, an innovator in the study of the relationship between people's emotions and their facial expressions - most people will tell an average of three lies in a typical 10-minute conversation.

We like to categorize them, so we can rationalize them. Little white lies, the ones we tell our parents when we don't want to visit them or the ones we tell our bosses when we want to play hooky, are the most common ones. Sure, honey, I got the oil changed - then you get up early the next morning and get it done. These lies are every day lies, and whenever we tell them, we usually end up working a little harder than we need to in order to keep them under wraps.

Then there are the big lies, the nuclear lies, that we take more seriously. For couples, these lies are usually about affairs, past sexual partners or even medical conditions. These are the kinds of lies that can end a relationship.

But why do we do it? Why is it that so many of us seem to have a reasonably casual relationship with the truth?

In our experience, the primary culprit seems to be self-esteem. We want our partners to have a positive image of us, so when we are challenged on something that might make us seem less than perfect - like forgetting to get the oil changed in the car - we lie about it to maintain a better image for ourselves. That's why we many times won't think twice about deceiving our partners, because we feel it is important to our relationships to maintain that facade. The greater the threat to our self-esteem, the greater the lies. The things we hide can become more dramatic - they could include the ex-girlfriend who was a drug addict or the former boyfriend who was abusive.

We also lie out of convenience, because we may not want to go 10 rounds over forgetting to get the oil changed. The purpose is to maintain order in our personal lives by avoiding smaller conflicts whose impact might be to simply ruin an evening. It also helps us avoid insults and discord, but the real issue is not the lie, but why there would be insults or discord as a result of simply telling the truth.

This is where we get into the yin and the yang of lies, because while we can all nod our heads and agree in concept that dishonesty is bad, we also have to recognize our own behaviors that may actually wind up training our partners to lie to us.

When faced with an unpleasant truth, do we react angrily? Worse, do we react violently? Is our automatic default position to head for negativity when an unpleasant truth is offered up by our partners?

If we do, we may very well be TRAINING our partner to lie to us, because we are not recognizing the concept that it takes courage to tell a partner an unpleasant truth and that courage should be rewarded. Instead of rewarding them, we may instead find ourselves punishing them by our negative reactions.

So before telling the small lies, ask yourself what you're really getting in return for the effort. Would the truth really be that bad? Is the truth so horrible that it is worth the integrity of our relationships to hide it? And if the reaction from your partner is so negative that you can still justify lying, then perhaps the issue isn't your lying, but rather, the fabric of your relationship itself.

Lies can be the termites of relationships because they eat away at them from the inside, quietly and barely detectable. Anger, however, is the dynamite of relationships that will always inevitably lead to a devastating explosion that can lead to irreparable damage.

So, look at your behavior, look at your partner's behavior and understand why you lie before you do it. Maybe you don't have to, because there is no crime in being human and flawed. We all are. The truth shouldn't be so hard to take that we should allow the lies we use to cover it up to destroy the love we worked so hard to build.

And for Pete's sake, change the damn oil. You don't want the car to break down on the way home from work, do you?

Yours in Love,

Drs. Chuck and Jo-Ann Bird

This article is brought to you by MATCHMAKING.

Enmeshment: What Is Enmeshment?

The word enmeshment is often used in the world of psychology, therapy and in every day relationships. These could be with family, friends and with intimate relationships.

On the en.wiktionary.org website, enmeshment is described as: The state of being enmeshed; entanglement. And if something is entangled, it means that it is caught up and is therefore - not free.

Examples

When I think of something being tangled up, I think of a piece of wire or someone with long hair. This could be wire that has been caught up in a fence or in another piece of wire. And hair that's long and untidy and has become caught up in other hairs.

Or another example that comes to mind is Christmas lights; Lights that haven't been put away properly and have ended up being wrapped around the faux Christmas tree branches or decorations.

These are ell examples of something that has been entangled and is no longer untangled and free.

Human Beings

On a physical level, human beings are clearly separate from each other; unless they hold hands, hug or are chained together for example. And so this means that enmeshment is not something that is physical in nature. It could manifest as being physical, but that is purely a consequence of what has come before it.

And if it is not physical, it must mean that is has to do with that is not physical. By this I mean emotions, thoughts, feelings ands sensations.

Enmeshment

Because although one can be physically separate from another person, this does not mean that one is emotionally separate from them or that one's thoughts are their own creation.

It can be that one's thoughts, feelings, emotions and sensations are completely depended on another person. And this person is defining ones mental and emotional wellbeing.

So instead of their being two separate people or three or four, depending on the type of relationship, there will be one entity. There is likely to be a dominant person within that entity and the rest of the people will be directly affected by this person.

Different systems

This could be an intimate relationship where two people have no sense of individuality or identity. And are then entangled to each other mentally and emotional. There emotional and mental wellbeing is not self-directed.

Another example is within groups of friends, where people follow the leader of the group and do whatever is suggested. How they would like to behave or what they would like to do; is unknown to them. To follow the other person is normal and all they know.

The Family System

And then there is the family system and this is likely to be where the enmeshment actually started in the beginning. In this type of family, separation and individuality is prohibited at all costs. This does not mean that is literally spelt out or expressed through words. It is likely to be shown in the actions of the primary caregiver.

A man could take this role and so could a women; for it doesn't mean primary nurturer, it means the caregiver that is in charge.

At the very root of this family system, is not freedom of feeling, thought and action. Whoever the dominant figure in the family is, will be the one who decides what is allowed and what is not allowed to be expressed.

Expression

This will mean that a Childs unique expression will be denied, ignored and repressed. And this will relate to anyone else who is part of this family dynamic. What this child: feels, thinks and senses, will not be mirrored or acknowledged; it will be dismissed.

And replaced with the accepted: feelings thoughts and behaviours in that environment. This means that one will learn to distrust their internal processes. What these internal processes are made up of are: feelings, thoughts, emotions, senses, insights and hunches for example.

However as a result of these being dismissed in the early environment, the child will grow up having to look outside for guidance; because the inner guidance is no longer available.

Dependence

And if this is the case, one is then completely depend on the advice of another person. This will be as a child and as an adult, if one doesn't deal with this form of abuse. So what at first was met with resistance and frustration, will often be accepted without resistance as an adult

By then, one has probably forgotten about what remains hidden inside. But as a child one was close and connected to their inner aspects. And due to one being emotionally undeveloped, there is likely to be very little choice.

Sense Of Self

If one is out of touch with themselves and enmeshed to another person, it is clear to see that a sense of self is lacking. It was lacking in the caregivers and was then passed on to the next generation.

The caregivers were probably completely unaware of what they were doing. And out of their pain and misery; they perpetuated the same situation in their children.

Needs

In the very beginning, ones caregivers needs were likely to have been denied and their emotional and mental development would have been stunted. This means that they would have been needy and were likely to have felt a sense of emptiness and doubt in their resourcefulness as people.

And as a way to regulate those feelings, thoughts, emotions and sensations from their past, they attached themselves to their offspring and to the other people in their adult lives.

This will enable them to regulate their feelings of loneliness, emptiness, isolation, hopelessness, and the absence of their sense of self.

Boundaries

What this also means, is that boundaries are not in existence. In this family dynamic, no one has an idea of where they begin and end and where another begins and ends. It is just one mass, where compromise and abuse is the rule and not the exception.

And as their caregivers where the same and the relationships that came after that; the patterns have simply continued.

Breaking Away

For one to break away from enmeshment, it will require awareness. There is likely to be two things that could stop one from developing boundaries and to put an end to being enmeshed. I would like to add that there will be times when one is enmeshed, it is part of the human experience, and it is only dysfunctional when this is the only relationship model that one has.

So, these two aspects will be guilt and fear. If one has only known what it's like to be enmeshed to other people and has never known what it feels like to be an individual that has boundaries, it will be normal and natural to feel fear about one's ability to survive as an individual.

And guilt, because, as a child's ones needs and other forms of expression would have been secondary to those of the caregivers needs. So what could be classed as illogical guilt could appear when ever one puts their needs first or responds to their needs

Who Am I

The ego mind may also cause one to question who they are and this again is normal as the ego mind has formed an association of familiarity and safety around being enmeshed.

And as the ego minds identity is based on the past and a combination of the past; as soon as the familiar is changed, the ego mind will become unstable.

Awareness

So although being enmeshed is dysfunctional and detrimental to ones growth as a human being, the ego mind is familiar with it. This will mean that these associations will have to be changed. And this means it would be beneficial to seek assistance through a therapist, healer or whoever one sees fit.

One will also have to realise their personal power. As for so long this would have been based on another person and one would have felt like a parasite. This again is based on the early childhood relationship, where ones caregivers didn't allow one to realise their strength.

Which means the ego mind would have associated as sense of power and strength as being attainable through another person, when in reality this is something that exists within and within only.

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Top 10 Online Dating Facts: Advice, Tips and Trivia

The Internet has transformed the face of dating. Today I'd like to share with you 10 facts that may well change your perspective about finding love on the Internet.

1. The Internet dating industry is massive and generates 1.8 billion dollars in revenue each year.

2. The success rate for girls and guys meeting their partners online has increased substantially over the last decade. Match.com reported that 1 third of single people

dating online found long-term relationships. The other third found short-term relationships while the remaining third gave up.

3. 44% of online daters over the age of 25 have children. Another interesting fact is that 90% of single parents prefer to date other single parents.

4. Women who post photo's of themselves within their internet dating profile typically receive twice as many emails compared to women who do not post a profile picture.

And as for guys who earn more than $250,000 per year, they receive 150% more emails than guys who earn $50,000

5. When the Tiger Woods scandal came into public view, memberships from the top "have an affair online" dating sites dropped off by more than 50% with the fear that email patterns could uncover adulterous behaviors. Tip: If you are seeking a relationship outside your current relationship, do NOT do it online as your email trail will get you busted.

6. Women's biggest fear of dating on the Internet is meeting a serial killer. Men's biggest fear of dating online is meeting someone fat. So it seems women are afraid of getting murdered online and men are simply scared of fat people.

7. According to an industry estimate, 30 - 40 million people have used a web dating site at some point. Of those, 50% are aged between 18 - 35. Another 25% are estimated to be aged between 36 - 44 meaning that web dating seems to appeal to the younger generation of single girls and guys.

8. 50% of relationships formed online also end online via email.

9. On America's 3 largest dating services combined, there are approximately 18 million dates each year. With numbers like that, you should give it ago!

10. Also in America, there are more than 400 marriages every day from online dating couples. Online dating accounts for nearly 3% of marriages in America.

The above dating tips and facts showcase some of the realities that the Internet dating scene has to offer. Although there are various pitfalls to watch out for when meeting people online, in the main, the people you meet through online dating are real and genuine folks who are simply looking to share their lives with someone special.

This news article is brought to you by LINUXOS.PRO - where latest news are our top priority.

What Attracts Western Men To Asian Girls?

Asian women are no doubt one of the most attractive females in the world, and it is interesting to see that the number of western men and Asian women couples are increasing rapidly. We have heard that opposites attract and in this case the theory seems to apply. The different background, culture, nature, and appearance of the Asian girls attract western men towards them, and some of them even end up marrying Asian women to enjoy a secure and happy marital life.

If you study the current trends in the dating sites, you will realize that a large number of white men desire to date women from Asian countries such as Thailand, China, India, Japan, Vietnam, and the Philippines. So, what's the reason behind this changing trend? It's not that western women are any less than Asian girls, so what could be the reason behind this.

We interviewed a few western men and found that the two main aspects that attract them towards Asian women are beauty and conduct. Women from the oriental regions have an air of mystery around them which draws white men. They may be sharp, intelligent and very modern in their outlook, and still are very culturally inclined. Today, Asian women are employed in some of the best firms around the world, but for them their families come first at any circumstance.

The kind of attachment Asian girls have with their family members and their deep rooted cultural belief that a family should stay together attracts western men who are from a society where families seldom stay together. Freedom for Asian girls does not mean that they will dress like men or behave like they do. Instead, they love dressing up in a lady like manner. If you have ever come across Thai or Chinese girls, you will notice that they are always well dressed with proper makeup.

Asian women have a strong personality and they make great wives and mothers. They stand by their life partner in adverse situations and work really hard to keep their family away from troubles. This is another amazing quality that attracts western men towards oriental women.

The kind of grace Asian women exhibit and their submissive ways make them more appealing. For many white men, this is a welcome change from what they are used to. Being submissive does not mean that Asian women are weak, but they are brought up in an environment where the woman respects her husband and looks after the family with love and care. Who would not want to date or marry a girl with such values?

Asian women are charming, and beautiful in their own special way. Most of them are soft spoken, and even when she is angry, she will not shout at you in the public. They make great life partners, physically, emotionally as well as economically. Some people have the misconception that Asian women easily fall for western men but this is not true.

You will find good and bad people everywhere. A genuine Asian woman, with cultural values is not easy to impress. However, if you are sincere enough to win her heart, you have struck gold and spending your life with her will be an awesome experience.

Enjoying People the Way They Are

To live an abundant life of peace, love, and joy we must connect with our world spiritually. And such connectedness occurs in and through people; the very people in our lives and around us. The abundant life is this: to truly enjoy the company of others. To do this we need to accept people unconditionally.

This seems impossible. How would we achieve this? Let's start this way:

This is a message we can never really hear enough of: find the awareness and develop the will to appreciate beauty everywhere, especially in the people.

Appreciating the beauty in people is an internal and an external thing. Where people are concerned, there are four things we can appreciate: other people's external and internal beauty, as well as our own external and internal beauty.

OTHER PEOPLE'S EXTERNAL AND INTERNAL BEAUTY

It's natural in our humanity to pick and prod at another person's personality, behaviours, and character. Irritated within, we clearly see the differences we don't like. But this default human position is not the way to the abundant life.

We need to take a U-turn.

God has made all people beautiful in their time. Externally every each one is adorned with bodily splendour; a symphony of billions of continuous biological, physiological, and psychological transactions at once - an entire living universe. Our organisms are cities' in their own right.

How could we not see this beauty in another person - in the person we have struggled to forgive, for instance?

Then there is the internal beauty. They, like we, have been made in the image of God, as thinking, feeling, and acting persons of divine worth - of such worth that the Son of God died for them. Others, internally and externally, have been made in specification to the same general blueprint. If our biology and experiences were of these people we would think, feel, and act pretty much as they do.

All people are beautiful - our task, interpersonally, is to find the beauty within each other person.

OUR EXTERNAL AND INTERNAL BEAUTY

We can't truly appreciate other people's external and internal beauty until we can appreciate our own. At this point we must appreciate our beauty; what we're made of; the value that God places on us as individuals; the fact that we are living, breathing human beings with histories, futures, and the present moment.

Our external beauty is manifest in physical form, just like others' is. We have been God-moulded and God-shaped. Not one of us is short on physical beauty, and no one has a world title on it.

Our internal beauty is magnificent. Our spirits are eternal, and therefore we cannot begin to contemplate the value that God has placed on us from before the time we were born.

All people are beautiful - our task, personally, is to find the beauty within us.

***

Appreciating the beauty in people provides us joy in our relationships, and joy in our lives. The more we can see people, including ourselves, as God sees us, the more we will be filled with joy projected toward love and peace.

© 2012 S. J. Wickham.

This article is brought to you by ONLINE DATING.

No Quick Fix: Advice for Building a Loving, Lasting Relationship

Most people would agree that relationships are hard work. There is plenty of anecdotal evidence to back up this claim; a search for "relationship advice" on Google instantly comes up with a 127 million hits. Likewise, having a healthy sexual relationship with your significant other requires a significant investment of time and effort. In some cases, the use of certain medications and/or supplements can go a long way towards revitalizing a lackluster love life.

Sometimes, however, medicines and supplements may not be enough. True, these products have garnered a substantial number of loyal followers, and many have an impressive track record of success. But for all their attributes, simply taking a pill or capsule cannot be considered a silver bullet for every problem in your love life. Many relationships buckle under the pressure of issues that are never properly addressed. In order to maintain a long-lasting and healthy relationship, try following the list of tips found below:

Ask For Your Partner's Input - This piece of advice can often go overlooked. When it comes to sexual relationships, many people fail to take into account the desires of their partner. For a more mutually fulfilling experience, sit down and talk about the interests of your significant other.

Set Realistic Expectations - The aging process often saps the body of its youthful vigor, making it difficult for us to perform a number of physical tasks. Consequentially, many men often lack the energy and libido necessary for intimate sexual contact. While the additions of medicines, supplements and even therapy may restore a good deal of a man's sexual vitality, it's important to remember that there will likely be some bumps in the road to recovery. When initially taking ED medications and supplements, it would be a mistake to expect to enjoy fantastic sex right off the bat, as many couples may struggle with sub-par sexual experiences. To avoid severe disappointment, older couples should maintain a realistic set of expectations when attempting to rejuvenate their love life.

Avoid Criticism and Standoffishness - It shouldn't come as a surprise that treating your partner poorly can hasten the demise of your relationship. Couples who frequently criticize each other tend to split up fairly quickly. In addition, people who exhibit defensive personalities often find themselves at odds with their partner. It almost goes without saying that successful relationships are built on mutual trust and respect; having a contemptuous view of your significant other can eventually poison your relationship.

The Little Things Can Add Up - Many people avoid buying gifts for their partners, mistakenly believing that such items are simply too expensive. In fact, you don't have to break the bank to buy something special for your partner. When it comes to getting gifts for men, items such as fishing lures, neck ties, tools and wallets satisfy most boyfriends and husbands. On the flip side of the coin, men looking to please their girlfriends and wives should take a hard look at relatively inexpensive flowers, perfume and handbags. Both genders should also enjoy receiving surprise DVDs, CDs and gift certificates.

Relax before Intimacy - Often times, couples may try to be intimate after a long day of work and/or household errands. While this might appear to a sound strategy, it can often undermine the sexual experience of both partners. Instead of rushing into intimacy after a long, stressful day, try to unwind and relax before engaging in sex. A long walk or a soothing bath or shower can go along way towards cleansing lingering stress from your body.

This news article is brought to you by SEXUAL HEALTH NEWS - where latest news are our top priority.

Unique Features of Dating Websites for Catholics

If you would ask the average single person how they are dating and meeting people today, many of them would probably say they have or know someone who has explored online dating. This newer form of dating is customized for people of various religions, ethnicities and life situations. singles dating sites have several unique features singles can take advantage of in their match search.

A single dating website is an ideal place for singles to congregate in a virtual setting with other singles who share the same faith. This is one of the unique features on a virtual dating service. The customized religious affiliation assures online visitors that all of the content they encounter on the site will have a "flavor" and embody the basic tenets of the faith. Websites such as Singles and Catholic Mingle are true online dating communities specifically geared toward single dating online who are looking for love and companionship.

Another unique feature of dating websites for is the thousands of Catholic faith based-members on the website. When singles search the site, they come across hundreds of profiles of people who, like them, believe in the Catholic faith and are looking for like-minded companions. singles dating sites are great faith-based forums where the Catholic faith is celebrated and discussion and relationship building is based on their common belief system.

Many of the singles dating sites are created and run by believers. This unique feature gives them an edge and a distinct perspective in designing a website that caters to the special values of singles. They are looking for other members who understand their worship, sacraments and educational values. The common value system shared by many members of the faith community is the basis for a common thread that is unique to single members on dating websites for Catholics.

One of the most attractive features of dating websites for is the free basic membership. This allows singles who come to the website to perform a basic search and get some kind of an idea of who the other singles on the website are and what they generally believe. They can also do a general profile and see the profile of others. This is the preliminary step before deeper conversation and more personal contact takes place. Single dating sites are safe, affordable ways to find a match with similar core values.

Catholic singles dating sites are popular amongst singles because of their unique, faith-based slant, community of singles and free basic membership. These special features give single dating online a safe, affordable online dating environment where they can meet, mingle and share ideas with their fellow singles in the online Christian community.

I Want My Ex Girlfriend Back - How Can I Make It Happen?

After a breakup that was not of your choosing it's natural to think about whether you and your girlfriend could get back together again. And it's true that many break ups can be fixed; you probably have friends who have gone through similar experiences yet managed to solve their problems and stay together. Lots of people go through storms in their relationships, yet find a way to weather them. But right now you need to face up to the reality of your breakup, and do what you can to make it possible for you to get back together.

You need to think about what went wrong, and what you could do differently in the future should your girlfriend give you a second chance. It's possible to draw some useful lessons out of a bad experience, which will give it a more positive aspect and help you to learn what mistakes to avoid in the future.

But don't rush to put your ideas into action immediately. You both need to calm down so that you can look back at your relationship more clearly. Often you'll find that over a few weeks the reasons for your breakup will become clearer and easier to understand. Seeing your relationship in perspective will also help you to be sure about what you really want.

So it's better if you don't contact your girlfriend for three or four weeks. Don't worry that this will encourage her to forget you and move on. Giving her space will emphasise the void that has opened up in her life, and give her a chance to miss you. Everyone who ends a relationship wonders afterwards whether they have done the right thing, and if you don't put pressure on your girlfriend now, she is more likely to remember the good things you shared together and have regrets.

Take this time to focus on yourself. Go out with your friends, do some sport or training and take some weekend trips. Boost your confidence by getting out and meeting people. Work on adding some new dimensions to your life, so that you show the world - and your ex - what a busy, interesting person you are

Making these changes in your life is great for two reasons. The first of course is that it stops you brooding too much over the breakup, and gives you a lift just when you really need it. Filling your days with positive things will give you a good feeling. But the second reason is even better, as it gives out the message than you are doing well, you are cool about the breakup, and you're really enjoying the freedom to do what you want.

You need to make your girlfriend think she is really missing something good, and to make her see exciting qualities in you that she has missed up to now. And adding new people and interests to your life will give you a fresh perspective on the future.

After a few weeks you should have a better idea of how you see your future. Do you still want to get your girlfriend back, or are you ready to move on? If you still want to get back together, now is the time to be a bit more direct and to find out how she is feeling about you.

It's better to be a bit laid back about seeing her again, and to take things slowly at first. Suggest a casual meeting over coffee just to catch up, rather than an actual date. Play it cool and don't stop doing all the new things you have been working on these last few weeks. Meeting up occasionally should give you a feel for how much she has been missing you, and whether her feelings about your old relationship have changed. Take it slow and easy, and if getting back together is really going to happen it should soon become clear.

Relationship Tips for Women - 3 Things That Should Make You Worry A Bit

Wondering about the status of your relationship can be alarming at times and sometimes it is better not to place so much attention on those things that make you worry. Sometimes it can do more harm than good. Of course, there are certain things that you do want to look out for, especially if you are hoping that the guy you are in a relationship with right now is going to be the one you are with a year from now.

Here are three things that I think you should worry about, at least a little bit:

1) You notice that he is acting very distant from you lately.

Sometimes this can be a sign that he is ready to leave you and by distancing himself, he is just making it easier for the day when he does end the relationship. Sometimes, it just means that he is going through something and the way that he knows how to deal with that is to distance himself. Whatever the reason might be, I would worry at least a little bit if you start to notice that your boyfriend is acting very distant from you lately. A shift in his behavior like that might not mean a thing, or it might mean that he is not going to be with you for much longer.

2) You feel like you just cannot seem to trust him, even though you really want to.

When you feel like you don't trust a guy you are dating, that is usually a cause for concern. One of the little tricks that women can sometimes play on themselves is to start to think that the problem is with them, when it is really with the guy that they are dating. If you are not usually jealous and suspicious in a relationship, but the guy you are with right now makes you feel that way... that might be something that is going to be an issue down the road and something that you want to pay attention to.

3) You can't seem to get him to open up about himself.

If you have tried a lot to get him to talk more to you or to open up more about himself and it doesn't seem to do much at all, then that may be something that is worth worrying about. Part of having a long term relationship is getting to know one another and if you can't seem to get him to open up about himself, then you might hit a point where you really don't feel that connected to him and that can sabotage the relationship.

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The Number One Thing To Avoid When Talking To Women

When men talk to women, they often have no clue as to how many mistakes they make during the conversation. Because of this they often screw up their chances with the girl they are talking with, by saying or doing stupid things that make her lose interest.

The biggest mistake that I have seen men make though is what I call jumping through hoops. A lot of men have this idea that they have to jump through the hoops that women throw in front of them. They try to pass the tests that women give them.

The sad thing though is that most guys can't even spot a test when a woman throws it out, and even if he is smart enough to see she is testing him, he usually has no clue as to how to respond to the test.

The simple truth is, there is no magic formula when it comes to passing the tests that women throw at you. The first thing you need to do is get really good at spotting them. It happens in every conversation that women have with men. They say things to see how you will respond, they do things to see how you will react. And your response will either make them attracted to you or it will make them lose interest in you.

So how exactly do you make sure that your response is always the right one? It's quite simple really. So here goes.

Just show her that you aren't interested in trying to pass her tests.If she tells you to buy her a drink, tell her girls are there to buy you drinks not the other way round. The basic idea is really simple.

If you say or do the thing that you believe will impress her, she will pick up on that. And she will then assume that you are trying to get something from her. Most probably sex. She will then assume that everything you are saying or doing is your way of trying to get her into bed. This means you will automatically have no chance of getting her into bed.

On the other hand if you seem uninterested in passing her tests and impressing her, she will not think that you are trying to get her into bed. And by doing this she will then start thinking why. Every other guy tries to impress her but you aren't trying. Why?

Maybe because you have higher standards. Maybe she is not good enough for you. This will make her interested in you and you will notice that she will start chasing you.

This is exactly what you want.

But the only way to make it happen is to show her that you are not trying to pass her tests and that you are not interested in her. It might not make any sense, but it works over and over.

This article is brought to you by ONLINE DATING.

3 Powerful Tips to Getting Over Your Ex

No one ever said that breaking up with a loved one is ever easy. The most difficult part about this tragedy comes AFTER the break up. Soon after you both part from each other, your mind may be filled with tons of emotions of memories of you and your ex once being happy together. Your emotions will run at lightning speeds and you frequently feel hopeless about what lies ahead for your future, but it's something you will need to get over in order for you to finally move on and enjoy life again.

Many couples have been through this difficult event during some point in their lives. The main factor in moving on is your will and desire to want to move on. If you want to, then you will succeed. It will surely take a while for the pain to subside, but in the end it will be the best thing you can do for yourself. Life is full of wonderful and pleasant surprises ahead, and that's why you need to eventually accept your break up in order to welcome future opportunities of meeting new people. Here are three valuable tips to help you finally get over your ex:

1. Confront Your Pain and Let It All Out

I'm not gonna lie. There will be the turbulence of emotions running through your mind and your heart will feel a pain it's never imagined it can feel before, but if you have the desire to move on and let the pain subside, you will have to face your pain and accept it for what it is. Take some time to let all of your emotions of anger, sadness, and pain out by crying it out. This is a time of reflection with yourself and with what went wrong with you and your ex. Be sure you go through this period alone, meaning no receiving advice from others, including your closest friends and family. They may mean well by giving you their advice, but they aren't you and aren't experiencing the tragedy of your break up. So what they say is easier said than done. By the end of this week after having confronted your pain, you will clearly feel a difference in your spirits and emotions as it will have allowed you to purge out all that emotional baggage you've been keeping inside ever since the break up.

2. Be Conscious and Stop Thinking About Your Ex

After you've given yourself time to cry it out during the first step, you will then move on to this next one. You will need to completely remove anything from your home that brings back any traces of memories of your ex. This includes pictures of you two, pictures of him/her, gifts and meaningful items you both bought together, etc. Lock up the collections of love songs that have meaning behind it and remind you of your times together. Mute saddening love songs that will trigger your emotions for your ex to come back. Anything that brings forth memories of your ex will hinder you from getting over them, so please, do yourself a favor during this stage of overcoming your break up and store that baggage up so you can move forward to step three.

3. Look Forward To The Future

Keeping an optimistic outlook of your dating future may seem difficult, if not impossible, because you have just gone through what seems like one of the most tragic of all situations in your life. But in order to break through fully and move on for once and for all, you will have to welcome future opportunities with dating other people. You will soon realize that you can and will meet someone new who might be much better than your ex has ever been! Surround yourself with positive vibes and hang out at places where you can meet new people. You will be intrigued and amazed with how much fun you've been missing out on ever since your break up. Your spirits will turn around for the better and you will realize how easy it is to actually get over your ex... I wouldn't be surprised if you actually asked, "what ex".

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Thai Dating Advice for Westerners

Thai Dating Truth and Fiction

Generally speaking, Thai dating i.e. between a Western man and a Thai lady, is something that has led to many a broken heart (usually belonging to the Western man) and will probably lead to many more. The mistakes that foreigners make when looking for romance in the land of smiles are basic in nature. We in the West are quick to trust people because our culture values truth like no other. Liars are not liked and because of that we try hard to avoid lying, we also assume that other people do the same... even those from different cultures.

Don't go thinking that I'm accusing anyone from a different culture of being a liar and proud of it, I don't mean it that way. I just mean that in other cultures, and in Thai culture in particular, it may be that telling certain 'white lies' might be seen as being more acceptable in certain situations. I don't mean that lying itself is seen as being virtuous, just acceptable in some circumstances. Conflict avoidance in Thai culture is seen as being of absolute paramount importance, and telling a few untruths to avoid conflict is perfectly OK.

Thai Dating Site Advice

When it comes to what you will read/hear on a Thai dating website, I suspect that the boundaries between what is an acceptable lie and what is not are again less clear cut. For one thing, a typical Thai lady will make the welfare of her parents her number one priority in life. If telling a few white lies to Western men (who are usually thought to be a bunch of millionaires one and all) in order to find themselves a wealthy husband and thereby give them the ability to look after those parents, my advice is to be extremely suspicious of anything you hear or read from those Thai ladies. Your natural instinct to trust whatever you hear needs to be curtailed just a little!

If you are looking for someone special online then you need to be especially suspicious of what information you are being given. A Thai dating site will be host to plenty of Thai ladies that are there for purposes other than finding true love! That's not to say that these websites do not offer value, many of them offer great value and entertainment! They are perfect for getting in touch with Thai ladies from a distance, and even better for building up your familiarity and comfort with talking to people from a different culture. Don't be at all afraid of Thai dating online; just don't immediately assume that everything you read/hear is the truth.

An Exciting Opportunity

The way to get the most out of Thai dating websites is to spread your wings and talk with lots of girls. As you build up your experience you will be able to spot the more obvious tricksters and you will get a feel for what is true and what is fiction. There are plenty of genuine Thai ladies online, and you will be able to find them. Once you have found a few that you like and that like you, that's the time to set up some meetings in person. Heading to Thailand to meet some online friends that you have already gotten to know a little gives you an opportunity for a really exciting vacation!

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What to Do When Your Forgot About Your Anniversary

Picture the scene.

It's 150,000BC, Mr. Caveman and his tribe hunker down in the undergrowth ready to pounce on an unsuspecting Wildebeest.

They strike, capture the beast and chop him up ready for the journey back to camp.

They make their way into camp triumphant, keen to see the smiling faces of the tribes people.

But hang on, what's this? There are no smiles, just icy stares and scowls emanating from every face in the crowd.

It's at that moment it dawns on Mr. Caveman dun dun duuuun he's forgotten their anniversary!!

Mr. Caveman knows his fate is sealed. He is shunned from the tribe and lives out his days in exile destined to a life of isolation until eventually he is gobbled up by a passing T-Rex, a fitting punishment for such a heinous crime.

The tribes people rejoice safe in the knowledge that this awful man has met his fate.

The End

Not a likely scenario right?

Back in the good old days of Dinosaur Vs Man Men's duties were clear: 1) defend the camp and 2) hunt dangerous and delicious beasts. They weren't expected to worry about remembering their Anniversary or their Mums birthday.

We are a product of thousands of years of evolution but this focus on external factors remains prevalent in the male constitution. This, as Psychologist Dr Herb Goldberg points out, is part of the reason why a high percentage of men forget important dates like birthdays and anniversaries.

"They [men] are wired to focus on the external threats and pressures of the world outside of their "safe" relationships".

"In earlier times that meant hunting dangerous game and defending the homestead from marauding tribes but today is more likely to mean getting that promotion and ensuring that Jones from sales doesn't get it," Dr Goldberg says.

"A man who forgets an anniversary or birthday is not being cruel or deliberately hurtful but is disconnected from the personal realm by his focus on the external realm. Men can become so focused on things outside of the relationship - work, sport, and hobbies/interests that they become 'blind' to everything else."

Guys tend to remember important dates such as Mortgage payments and Insurance renewals but less logical events simply fall off the edge in the list of things to do.

We all know Men and Women think differently, there have been numerous studies documenting this and evidence suggests it's the same the world over.

In conclusion, Men are rubbish at remembering Birthdays and Anniversaries but they have a pretty good excuse.

However as any man who has forgotten his anniversary will know; having a good excuse will not prevent the inevitable tirade which follows any forgotten occasion.

It comes down to the fact that while it may not seem like a big deal to guys, it means a lot to the ladies.

A recent survey revealed that 88% of women would be hurt if someone close to them forgot their birthday and 55% would feel that person didn't care about them!

So guys buy a calendar, use a diary, write every date down on a post-it note and decorate your office with them, there are countless ways to ensure you don't forget these occasions. Don't leave these dates to tumble around in the jumbled up filing cabinet which is your head because they will fall out it's just a matter of time!

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The Age Thing

Demi Moore and Madonna did it so if it feels good why not. I'm referring to women dating and even marrying someone who is at least ten years or more younger than themselves. Contrary to popular belief it's not a rare occurrence and there are many women who marry younger partners without encountering significant problems. Of course there are advantages to loving and marrying someone who is ten years or more your junior, not least of which is that it encourages you to maintain a younger, more vital and healthy appearance.

So what are some of the possible advantages of marrying someone who is a few years younger? Arguably once you are in your forties you would have attained financial security as well as a mature confidence in your own abilities. This isn't always as evident in younger people, who may still be struggling to make their mark in society. Once you are financially secure you should be more independent and able to be more flexible in your choice of a partner.

The current term for the older woman/younger man relationship is either that you are a 'sugar momma' or you may have a 'trophy husband'. I'm sure most women perceive of their mate as being special and something of a trophy, but having a young male who is tending to your every need has got to be a great plus. Additionally let's not forget that the female sexual appetite increases once she reaches sexual maturity in her thirties, and the young male is probably very virulent so the intimacy between this particular type of couple should ensure that they are able to sexually satisfy one another.

Moving swiftly on there are additional advantages to loving and marrying a man who is ten years or more your junior? One definite advantage is most females would have been through the stage of academic achievement, and are quite likely to have a well established career. The likelihood is that they would not want children or anymore children, thus any additional financial strain in starting a new family may well be avoided. I don't mean to be cynical, but rearing a child in today's economic climate can have severe financial as well emotional repercussions. The majority of mature woman are emotionally secure and have a well-developed self-esteem. They know their own self-worth, are usually effective communicators, and capable of making positive lifestyle decisions. Another positive about maintaining a relationship with an older woman is that they are less likely to cheat on you. Additionally if you date and eventually have a long term relationship with an older woman the likelihood is that she is less likely to 'mess' with your head or play with your heart. She invariably knows what she wants and how to achieve her goals. In suggesting this I believe that the older female is not interested in scoring points, and trying to ensure you respond to her every whim. In fact the more mature woman is much more likely to be supportive, caring and to place your needs before her own. Given the accuracy of this reasoning it may well be that the mature woman isn't as high maintenance, as she already has a healthy positive self image, and is quite capable of looking after herself.

Essentially I believe there are a multiplicity of reasons why a relationship with an older woman is worth considering. The older women have a wealth of knowledge, and may well be more sexually experienced and liberated than a younger woman. However, as in most things, especially relationships there are difficulties, or the downside, so to speak. In considering a relationship with an older woman you should take into consideration that they may be too old to have children. By the age of about 48 years, most women's bodies begin to change and as they become pre-menopausal and then menopausal the ability to conceive lessens. You should also take into consideration that if conception is possible there is a high possibility that a child could be mentally handicapped. In the main most woman in this age group have already raised their children, and are less likely to want additional children, preferring perhaps to be adoring grandparents. Another factor in child rearing is that as we get older our energy levels may become severely depleted making caring for a child a little more difficult.

Another factor to take into consideration when dating and marrying an older woman is that while I believe the more mature figure is quite attractive some might argue that physically they are not as attractive as a younger woman who also has far fewer wrinkles. It's also important that you take into consideration that the older person who will probably age gracefully is more likely to get ill and may require need care as opposed to the younger person who is probably in robust health, consequently the role of carer may come into play earlier than one might have anticipated.

On a more positive note an experienced and knowledgeable companion is a plus, and if you share similar interests, and communicate effectively, then there are many advantages to this particular type of relationship.

Whatever you choose, follow your heart!

Veronica Williams

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The Top Two Reasons It Is Better to Text, Not Call, a Girl You Just Met

You can't call a girl you just met anymore. Calling relies on you and your new girl both being available to talk at the same time. If she's busy when you call, she probably won't answer. Then, if she doesn't answer and you leave a voicemail, there's a good chance she won't listen to it. In fact, a lot of people, myself included, just don't listen to voicemail anymore. Even if she does listen to voicemail, the probability that she'll call you back is extremely low.

So, what do you do? Text. It's that simple; just text.

Texting has two serious advantages over a phone call:

1. Text is "Asynchronous Communication"

What does that mean? It means you both don't have to be communicating at the same time for it to work. So, for example, you can send her a text on Monday morning asking if she wants to have drinks Monday night. She might be at work when you text her, check out your text at lunch and text you back that she's available. Say you choose to call her instead. You call her Monday morning, and she listens to your message at lunch (a small miracle, by the way). She calls you back, but you're at work. She leaves a message, but you don't listen to your message until later, say 3 pm. You call her back, but she's at work, you leave a message, but at this point, she's not even hearing your message until she's done with work, is tired, and has been trying to get a hold of you all day, she's tired, doesn't have time to prepare and is just kind of "over" the whole meeting up with you Monday night thing. She might call you back, and maybe she even agrees to meet up with you later in the week, but you've totally lost momentum, and the chances that she'll flake are high.

2. Text is Low Commitment

People don't like commitment, so if you're asking someone you just met to commit to a phone call, you're asking for a lot. When you ask for a lot, there's always a chance that you won't get it. Besides, nobody wants to get on the phone with a boring person. Now, you might just want to call her to set up a date, but she doesn't know that. People always think of the worst possible scenario, and you can bet that, at some point, she's been on the phone with a boring guy who talked her ear off. Who wants that? With text, you can send her a quick text, she can decide if and when to text you back, and you can both handle the logistics around meeting up without having an in-depth, long conversation. Besides, you want to save any long conversations for when you're actually with her.

So, we've established that text is the best way to reconnect with a girl you just met. But, texting, like anything else, can be done well or poorly. In order to be successful with women today, you need to learn what to text a girl.

Getting Back Together - Is Your Ex Using You?

You and your ex are back together, but how are things going between you? Are you happy and fulfilled, with both of you working together to make your relationship better than it was before? Or have you settled for a few casual hookups and the occasional call or text? If so, you ex is probably just using you, and you need to do something now to change that.

When you want something from somebody who doesn't want to give it, it gives them power over you. This makes it easy for them to start using you. In getting your ex to take notice of you again, it's important not to make yourself too abject and available. This is why it is so important to get the right advice when you want to get your ex back.

Did they came back because they wanted to be with you; because you built up the attraction between you so that they saw you again as the one person they really wanted to be with? Or did they just give in to your begging and pleading and hook up with you one night? After a breakup, there are effective strategies you can follow which will reignite the passion and attraction in your relationship, and it is really important to get things right. Otherwise you are likely to end up just being used.

You ex may start to see you as a sort of prop in their life, a source of easy money or sex, or someone to fall back on when no-one else is available. If this is the pattern of your relationship now, then you have been using the wrong tactics, and you will need to be very tough with yourself to get things back on track.

First of all you have to call time on your ex taking you for granted, and make it clear that you are not prepared to spend time with them unless they are going to make a commitment to you. There is no point in wasting yourself on someone who doesn't return your love, as it will never make you happy. But it will take time and determination on your part to convince your ex that they can no longer take you for granted, and you will have to stick to your guns on this.

To avoid all this disappointment and hassle, it is better to use the right strategy from the start. Instead of being the supplicant, you need to rebuild the attraction between you and your ex so that they are the one wanting to get back together with you. When you attract them back (rather than persuading them to come back), you involve their imagination and their emotions much more effectively. This creates the romance and passion which will truly reignite your relationship.

It is also important not to make it too easy for your ex to get what they want. It is human nature to value something more when it cost some effort to get it, and unless you ex is prepared to put some effort into making things work, your relationship is not likely to recover. The trick is to motivate them so that they want to make that effort. That is why using the right strategies is so important.

Don't let your ex pressure you into doing anything before you are ready. Remember you are looking for a commitment here, as you do not want to end up in the position where you are being used. This will be difficult for you when you really want to be with them, but it is a good test of how sincere they are in wanting to get back together with you. If they are not willing to respect your wish to take things slowly, then they probably don't want you back for the right reasons.

If you are doing things right, your ex may become a bit impatient or frustrated, but you should make sure you get a commitment form them before making any big moves. When things have already gone wrong between you, it is vital that you create something strong between you first on which you can rebuild your relationship. You are trying to get things right this time, so you are entitled to take you time and feel confident about your ex's commitment before you let them completely back into your life.

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How to Flirt on Facebook - A Guide for Men

In this day and age, almost everyone is on Facebook. It's one of the first things people do once they meet. They know each other's names, so they add each other on Facebook.

This can be great for your dating life. You can meet a woman once, and then very easily catch up with her by sending her a message on Facebook. That's something you never could have done before, unless you had the nerve to ask her for her phone number or a date on the first time you met her. So it seems like Facebook makes dating easier.

But it can have the opposite effect. Because a lot of guys who are really good at talking to women online are terrible at talking to them on Facebook. And that makes sense. It is a totally different way to communicate. For one, you can use the body language that most people use in person. And you have to suddenly care about how you type things. Should you type lol or hahaha? They are tricky questions, and the answers can escape even the most experienced offline flirter. But there are answers to all of the most important flirting questions when it comes to flirting.

First thing we need to deal with is poking. When poking was introduced, it was clearly put in place to make it easier to flirt. But should you use it? It validates that rule I generally have that says you shouldn't be too explicit about your interest in a woman until you're sure that she has feelings for you to. So my policy when it comes to poking women on Facebook? Let her start it. If she's the kind of person who gets a kick out of poking, she'll poke first and you can return it. That way you'll never poke anyone who thinks poking is stupid.

When it comes to how to type your words, my rule is to just follow however she is typing. If she doesn't capitalize, you don't have to either. In fact, you shouldn't. If the way you type is drastically different from how she types, there will be a disconnect. That would be like an in person conversation where one of you is talking in a fancy British accent, and the other was talking like a gangster. You will probably not end up dating if that's the situation.

Those are the basics to flirting on Facebook.

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Relationship Theory

The Relationship theory state in all relationships we are either in recovery or relapse, Assuming we all interact with different elements present in our environment the intensity (energy) of different relationships grows stronger or weaker as life happens; For example, our first relationship being the bond between mother and child. Survival depends on less more intense relationships, as an infant then for a toddler, or teenager. Another way to say this would be the amount time involved in a mother-child exchange has a major significance to one's existence. Relationships result in tension (friction) causing a discomfort (stress) Recovery from tension relieves the symptoms of friction. Relapse is a conscious or unconscious reversion back to an unhealthy relationship. RT assumes we all have a tendency to be drawn to particular relationships with a propensity toward stressful and unhealthy ones, relapse inevitably will follow. Becoming aware of such relationships enables us to choose alternative methods of behavior reducing relationship intensity. An example would be an alcoholic working at a bar, or a sex offender living close to their substance (relationship) of choice. Relapse prevention is an ongoing process of recovery.

Being aware of our relationships, knowing which one are stressful, alternative actions can be tried. Knowing how and when relapse happened, the results for the next encounter with a given relationship can be changed to have a different outcome. Being able to recognize which relationships may cause us harm and understanding how our behaviors and attitudes contribute toward involvement in harmful relationships, we are able to better assess the potential harm a particular relationship is currently having on ourselves and others.Developing an awareness and ability to recognize which relationships are harmful can be a motivational influence in developing different thought patterns, and behaviors to reduce stress and relapse. Becoming aware of such relationships avails opportunities to choose alternative methods of behaving which reduce relationship intensity even further. What is important in Relationship Theory is self-motivated internally induced willingness to explore better relationships. Using Motivational Interviewing and Brief Interviewing Relationship Theory can be used with individuals, groups and families.

Brief Interventions for substance abuse empower individuals to take small steps to behavioral change. A substance abuse problem may not always be the presented problem. Recognizing changing behavior takes action on an individual basis is a vital part of treatment outcome. Motivational interviewing techniques are designed to help clients recognize their ability to manage parts of life by changing behaviors. As with BI Motivational Interviewing sees "moving toward any decision" is worth consideration, and can contribute to motivation in the future. Harm reduction also considers small change as good change. When coupled within the Relationship theory paradigm abuse and dependence become associations producing a relationship that produces less stress (recovery) or one of disease (relapse). No judgment is placed on either state of mind. Being aware of our relationships, knowing which one are stressful, alternative actions can be tried. Knowing how and when relapse happened, the results for the next encounter with a given relationship can be changed to have an alternative outcome. Motivation comes from within, as realizations that as thoughts change so can behaviors. MI, BI, and HR all recognize the importance of self-empowerment. The Relationship Theory Give us a simple chart to place relationships in and to measure their effectiveness.

Brief Interventions

Brief Interventions fill part of a "hole" between prevention efforts and more serious treatment (TIP 34, samhsa, p XV). It can also reduce the amount the cost of emergency room visits in the future. By catering to the presented problem of each individual BI can effect changes in client's behavior. The ultimate goal is to reduce the harm when there is continued use of drugs changing behavior, If not addressed the result could be harmful. A more comprehensive goal would include a specific goal for each client, established by mutually agreed on use pattern (TIP 34). BI takes small steps to confirm clients overall belief in self, and willingness to take actions to make a change.

The acronym FRAMES give a road map when done with a pension can produce expected results. Goals achieved. Using basic listening skills efficiently enables the counselor to engage clients using Feedback, empowering Responsibility, give suggestions based on best practice principles, explore (Menu) options of possible behavior changes, showing Empathy, and promoting Self-efficacy (TIP 34 2008, Osborn, 2008). BI "should be targeted specifically to those who are relatively low on the readiness-to-change continuum (Osborn, 2008, p. 155)."The best way to look at BI is as a short term, Informative treatment with flexible goals, allowing individuals to decide on control or abstinence. BI is a detailed, attentive process relying on assessment, engagement, and prompt application of change strategies (TIP 34).

Harm Reduction

The HR model seeks to reduce harm caused by substance abuse. For example an individual presenting the problem of having multiple driving under the influence charges may see the problem as being in the wrong place at the right time. They just seem to be caught more than others. They may feel their drinking is not a big problem, but the problem is they get caught driving while over the legal limit. They may feel since they have been drinking for some time they can handle their intoxication better than they know. So what is the presenting problem? Is it drinking or is it driving under the influence? What choice does this individual have that will reduce the potential of being caught once again with another DUI? Two options are obvious. One is to stop drinking another is to stop driving while intoxicated. The natural choice would be to stop driving under the influence. Discussions based on Harm reduction would concentrate on ways to drink and not drive such as having a designated driver, drinking at home, or reduce the amount drunk or abstain from alcohol consumption when driving is anticipated. Harm reduction focuses on changing behavior seen as potentially harmful to oneself and others. Driving under the influence has a great potential to harm others as well as one self. Reducing the potential to harm others demonstrates an individual's ability to willingly accept responsibility for their actions.

Other forms of HR are needle exchanges for IV users, reducing the harm of using dirty needles may cause to the user. Methadone programs are used as a drug replacement to reduce the urges to get high. Pharmacological interventions have been used to facilitate detoxification. Counseling as a form of education can be beneficial in helping individuals recognize potential harm substance abuse may be causing in their lives. Once change is considered than options can be explored. Methods used in harm reduction counseling encompass Brief Interventions such as empowering clients to embrace self-worth, Motivational Interviewing by encouraging setting goals that strengthen self-efficacy, and exploration into better life skills.

Motivational Interviewing

"Change is the central feature of any therapeutic interaction (Aasheim & Wallace, 2008, p. 131)." Like BI MI is a relationship-centered client-centered system of change. By understanding where each client is on a scale of motivation to change methods can vary. The goal is to guide an individual in a course of discovery, where hesitation towards change is diffused. The stage of change one is in could be pre-contemplation, contemplation, preparation, action, maintenance and relapse. The four key attitudes embraced in MI are expressing empathy, developing discrepancy, rolling with resistance and support self-efficacy (Aasheim & Wallace, 2008).

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Everyone Loves in Different Ways

Everyone loves in different ways. People have their own way of expressing love. Some people keep it underneath a thick exterior, while others are very openly affectionate. Each person also needs a certain type of love. The common point is that everyone wants to feel loved. When you're single finding someone to love you, the way you want to be loved, seems like a never-ending task. When you find someone that will love you, keeping the love strong becomes the new problem.

So how do you keep love strong? What things need to be done? That, my friend, is the question of the ages. Everyone changes over time, which makes relationships difficult. Change occurs when you have kids, go through troubling times, and lose your job; anything that puts stress on a person. The key is to learn each other's changes, and learn to love them.

Each change takes time to occur, giving you and your spouse time to adjust to them. When you feel that your love is slipping what do you do? How do you repair a broken relationship? I have no answer to this problem.

I will be honest I am a little needy in a relationship. I want to feel wanted every day. I am not saying I want my man to be right up under me, no. Although I want to receive attention and affection daily. I don't want a puppy dog, or puppy love; I want a strong loving man. Give me affection and a little attention and I will be satisfied.

Generally men tend to need less from a relationship, but that is not always true. Women typically want love and affection regularly, getting adequate affection usually keeps women satisfied on that aspect. Both partners need a physical relationship with each other, no matter what the other says. Physical aspects of the relationship keep intimacy alive.

Intimacy in a relationship can make or break it. No, intimacy is not just physical it's emotional too. Just spending time together doing things that the other likes to do is intimate. Even something as simple as snuggling on the couch watching a movie is intimate. Take a little time to learn small things about each other so you know each others needs.

So keeping your relationship strong is a daily process. No relationship is perfect and every one takes work. Stay consistent and love. Good luck.

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Dangers That You May Face at a Bar or on Blind Dates

Keeping fantasy and fiction aside that mentions meeting vampires on blind dates or at bars, let us look into some serious issues related to dating an unknown person or being at a bar. But before we venture into details here, it is important to make one thing very clear; bars are not a bad place and going on blind dates can be real fun. No one is bad-mouthing either of these. The motive here is to ensure that you are alert and attentive enough to not fall into any trap or trouble.

At bar:

• If you are a woman and going to a bar all alone, it is very common to come across people who would want to buy you a drink. But, if you are not attentive, chances are that they may slip some drug into it. Whatever follows, it need not be mentioned here.

• You may find someone attractive there. He may use catchy pick-up lines too. He may even succeed in convincing that he is a nice guy. But if you let him go ahead and get physical with you, kiss you, touch you, hug you or move out with him to some other place, then he may very well take advantage of you. If you are not looking for a stand or no-strings-attached stuff, then you may go ahead. But it is really not advisable.

• Fraudsters also frequent such places. Methods may vary but you can get scammed too. So, it is important that you use wisdom and brains and not fall for glittery and fake stuff.

• Drug abuse, alcohol and smoking etc. is also common. If you drink or smoke, you should do it in control and not take offerings from strangers. Whatever the case is, strictly avoid drugs and drinks from others.

• Lastly, do not wander alone around any bar after dark. Good idea is that you bring someone along. Otherwise, you can ask one of the security guards to leave you to your car or help you in calling a cab etc.

At blind date:

• Strictly avoid asking your blind date to pick you up or drop you after the date. Do not disclose your address or such personal details, even during the date.

• Make sure you both decide on a place that is not deserted. Public place is a good idea or a restaurant where there are a number of other people around you.

• If possible, avoid alcohol. But if it is needed, then make sure you consume it in limits.

• Inform a close friend or relative about your scheduled date, duration and place.

• Don't think about proceeding with physical intimacy immediately after your blind date with that stranger.

• Immediately leave after your date is over. Try not to walk off the distance. Rather, call a cab, but stay inside until the cab is right outside the main door. If you have your own conveyance, then get inside and immediately lock the doors. Drive out immediately.

• Do not wear revealing clothes. Don't give out wrong signals. It will only make you vulnerable.

How to Have a Healthy Love-Life: 15 Simple Ways to Improve Your Relationship

Good relationships don't just happen; says Dr. Margaret Paul. In general people think if they need to work on their relationships, then it is not the right relationship for them! However just as we need to work on having a good health through physical exercise, proper diet and proper emotions, a good relationship also requires enough care and nurturing.

No matter how sweet and beloved our partner might be, there will still be shortcomings. There is a saying that Roses always come with Thorns! Although it might not be possible to remove the problems in relationships completely, we can still learn how to handle the difficult situations to save our relationship from a breakdown.

According to Grand Master Choa Kok Sui, one of the major reasons why a marriage or a relationship tends to breakdown is because one or both the parties tend to use each other as a "psychic garbage can." This means that if one experiences an extremely stressful day or if one is emotionally hurt by a third person, upon returning home the normal best solution seems to consciously or unconsciously dumping or releasing the stress or psychic garbage on the other partner. The result is normally heated exchange of words and in some cases physical violence. The effect is eventually a breakdown in a marriage or a relationship.

Basically a strong and healthy relationship is one of the best supports in life. As a good relationship can improve all the aspects of life and bring good health, happiness and peace of mind, an inharmonious relationship can also be a tremendous drain. Therefore it is necessary to take care of our relationships and look at them as an investment to achieve greater happiness in life.

1. Know, accept and love yourself

This is one of the basic requirements for a healthy relationship. Often we start a relationship in pursuit of happiness; expecting the other person to make us happy and if we don't find expected happiness, we tend to get disappointed and change the relationship. However real happiness comes from inside!

This is one of the important choices that you can take to improve your relationship. It means you learn how to take responsibility for your own feelings and needs, that instead of trying to get your partner to make you feel happy and secure, you learn how to do this for yourself through your own thoughts and actions. This happens when you learn to treat yourself with kindness, caring, and acceptance instead of self-judgment which always make you feel unhappy and insecure, no matter how wonderfully your partner is treating you.

If you don't know your own needs, wants, qualities and limitations, and more importantly if you don't love yourself you seek relationships as a source of own validation. The effect of such attitude will be aggressiveness, possessiveness, disappointment and unhappiness in a relationship. Even if you change your partner, since the cause and the need for self-validation is still in you, the second relationship will fall into the same pattern as the first one.

If you know yourself, your strengths and weaknesses, and if you love yourself for what you are, it is much easier to love people as they are and to accept their shortcomings.

This will also enables you to become open to change and feedback. When you have low self-confidence or even pride, upon receiving any feedback or comment you tend to react. Remember that we are all evolving, and our relationship is evolving with us. It is OK to make mistake! Just learn from your mistake and move on!

When you learn how to take full responsibility of yourself, then you stop blaming your partner for your upsets.

2. Know your partner

We have been born and grown up in different environments, with different backgrounds and ideas. Each person is a unique being and has a unique language of life. In every relationship it is extremely important to know the other person, his preferences and his language of life.

Often problems in relationships happen because of misunderstandings and misconceptions. Showing love has different meanings for different people. One can feel loved by a hug or a kiss or a physical touch, while another might feel loved through a present or a written poem.

Often we think we are not loved by our partner because we are not familiar with their language.

In many cases also we hurt their feelings unknowingly because we don't know them; their liking and disliking. Pay attention to the nonverbal signals!

Relationships can be improved easily by caring for the other person, learning their language and trying to see the world from their perspective once in a while.

Sometimes it is good to stop talking and simply listen to your partner.

3. Learn to take the whole package

As stated earlier, Roses always come with Thorns! No matter how sweet and wholesome a person is, still there are shortcomings. Therefore it is important to realize that we are all human beings and we all make mistake. Each person has strengths and weaknesses.

If you have chosen to be with a person, you must accept their strengths as well as their weaknesses. You must take the whole package!

One of the techniques which can help you deal with the difficult times in relationships is to capture your partner's good attitudes and actions towards you and the good times you have had together by writing down or taking photos or video. This will help you have a more realistic view of your partner and your relationship during difficult situations.

4. Stop blaming other person, focus on solutions

Often we tend to focus on problems and blame us or others for any problem that occurs in a relationship. However, verbally repeating the mistake of another person is nagging. Nagging will not work! Instead of wasting your time by nagging focus on the solutions.

Think about the reason you have this problem, the lessons that need to be learnt, the required actions and corrections and start implementing them on yourself as well as your partner.

In fact according to Dr. Jack Dominian, it is better for both partners to share joint responsibility and work together to solve it. The phrase "the problem with you is... " should be banned!

One of the techniques that have been emphasized by many specialists including Grand Master Choa Kok Sui which can help is the visualization technique. Imagine the person behaving properly, in the right way. Remember words and thoughts have power. What you think and what you say tend to manifest! If you focus on problems only, the outcome will be more problems. Avoid excessive criticism. Instead, create the right image!

5. Consider the state of your relationship, have a relationship target

First of all you need to know the nature of relationship in general and its purpose. Relationships help you evolve, especially a difficult relationship; they help individuals develop patience, tolerance and forgiveness, stated by Grand Master Choa Kok Sui. In fact relationships are like playing grounds to help us develop self-sacrifice, self-control, patience, flexibility and tolerance, not just to make us happy. If you have a realistic and proper view towards relationships it is easier to handle the difficult situations.

You also need to know the state of your relationship. Is it only in the physical level? Do you have good communication with your partner? Do you understand each other emotionally?

Are you able to have deep conversations? Do you have common way of thinking? Do you have soul contact? You can know the state of your relationship by observing what thoughts and words come out of your mind and your mouth, and your feelings towards one another.

When a relationship is superficial, it tends not to last. If you think you don't have enough harmony and understanding in your relationship, it's time to do corrections!

Have a relationship target. Think where you want to be with the same partner in another 10 years from now.

6. Increase love and respect

The real cause of the disappointments, emotional and psychological ailments is insufficient soul contact. Love is the answer, it is therapeutic.

You must be realistic! Everybody makes mistake. Just forgive and forget and continue living.

'By giving a person love, you make them grow. Project loving-kindness to your partner and the person will bloom.' (Master Choa Kok Sui, 2004, pp. 27-28)

You must remember that when two people interact closely, there will definitely be friction. The lubricant is Love. You can show love to your partner in the form of loving thoughts, loving feelings as well as loving words and actions. Love can also be increased by praising your partner and using nurturing words. The more love is experienced between the partners, there will be more openness.

But remember, real love never looks for paybacks; when you give, give whole-heartedly.

7. Spend quality time, don't take for granted

Most of the times, we tend to take our loved-ones for granted. Only we come to know their value, when they are away from us.

It is extremely crucial for having a healthy relationship to spend quality time together.

Any living being and any relationship needs nurturing to flourish; if left alone and uncared, it won't survive.

The more you spend dedicated, focused and quality time with your loved-ones, the more your relationship gets nurtured. Quality time means your full attention should be towards your partner, you must show that you care.

Remember when you were in love, how you used to find time for your beloved. Especially after getting married, relationships lose their quality since both partners get busy. No matter how busy you are, it is extremely important to set aside specific times to be together, to talk, play, laugh and make love.

8. Meditate, especially with your partner

There are certain meditations available that increase the love and harmony within the family; one is the Meditation on Twin Hearts.

Meditation on Twin Hearts is basically a technique to achieve cosmic consciousness or illumination. It is also a form of service to the world as the world is harmonized to a certain degree through blessing the entire earth with loving-kindness.

This technique can be used to harmonize relationships as well as to bless certain place, city or country. Based on the collected testimonials, any relationship can be improved tremendously by practicing this meditation regularly, especially in a group. It is advisable for families with problems to sit down together and do this meditation on a regular basis.

When a person does Meditation on Twin Hearts, divine energy enters the practitioner's system filling him with divine light, love and power; making the practitioner a channel of divine energy. This divine energy goes in and out of the aura, flushing out the cloud of negative thoughts and emotions, thereby cleansing the aura.

As a result, Meditation on Twin Hearts gives you a better physical, emotional, mental and spiritual health, leading to a better relationship.

9. Speak out

Don't assume that your partner knows your problem. Speak it out!

Often we behave in a certain way to show our partner that we are unhappy! Don't fall into this trap. If you have a problem with your partner or an issue in your life, talk about it, express it to your partner clearly and in a proper manner. Sometimes we need to learn different communication skills to be able to express our thoughts and feelings.

You can also ask your partner if you feel and observe something in the relationship is bothering them. Give time and chance to them to talk as well. This will make your relationship stronger and help strengthen the communication between both of you.

10. Be responsible for your actions, learn your lesson

After childhood, we are all expected to be responsible for what we say and do. Unfortunately there are still many adults that feel safer and more comfortable to place the blame on others instead of themselves. This simple issue is one of the problems that can take the relationship into fail since after sometimes no one wants to be at blame all the time; besides it is exhausting to be around someone who always blames others but never takes the responsibility himself. After all the relationship is supposed to make us grow; if we do not take the responsibility over our own actions and behaviors, change is impossible.

One of the fast ways to improve a relationship is to remove the "blame game" and accept responsibility where it's due; then focus on solutions instead of complaining.

Remember that everyone makes mistake! It is part of life! Evolution requires time, process and lots of mistakes. So admit your mistakes, apologize and learn your lesson.

11. Keep it fun

Couples are usually more fun and playful in the early stages of a relationship. Especially after marriage, this attitude is forgotten as life challenges and resentments increase over time. Keeping a sense of humor enables you to enjoy life, get through the tough times easier and to deal with them more realistically.

Relationships flourish when people laugh together, play together and when excitement and humor is a part of everyday life. Stop taking everything so seriously.

Think about playful ways to surprise your partner. Once in a while try something new and exciting together and keep the relationship fun.

12. Don't react immediately, wait for the right time

In the midst of any argument or fight, remember that if you react it only worsens the problem. Stay calm and detached. Common response to argument is some kind of controlling behavior; both parties want to win, or at least not lose. However, the experiences have shown that controlling through showing anger, blame, judgment, resistance, denying even explaining and teaching is unsuccessful. The more we try to control, the more it adds to the conflict. The moment you react, you are psychologically entangled.

If you think your partner is over-reacting or even if you think you know the solution explaining it in the middle of the argument doesn't work. Since your partner is emotionally imbalanced at that moment, he cannot understand you.

The best approach is to forgive your partner internally, keep your emotions under control, calm down the situation, and keep the talking for the right time. Keep it in mind that it is not the matter of who is right and who is wrong; it is the matter of doing the right thing for the sake of your relationship.

13. Give each other freedom

Many of the married men and women complain about losing their freedom after marriage. Although a person in a relationship might not be as free as a bachelor because of responsibilities and commitments, don't make it harder for your partner by being too possessive.

In any relationship there should be freedom. Freedom is the greatest gift one human being can give to another. Real growth usually happens when we feel free.

Don't be afraid that if you give freedom to your partner they might leave you. Only over-controlling and too much limitation can chase a person away. Giving freedom is not a guarantee that the other person will behave the way you want him to, but it is extremely necessary that you give space to others to be as they are. This is a sign of respect towards others and must be practiced.

14. Take care of unfinished emotional business

If there are a lot of anger and resentment in you because of a deed of your parents, friends or ex-partner in the past, face it, forgive and let go. Don't let the anger accumulate over time.

Accumulated anger, resentment, feeling of abandonment and even guilt not only affect your current state but also affects your future relationships.

Do not be unhappy. Remember that the past is the past! Let go. Learn to forgive and forget. Let go and go on living. Don't let an event in the past ruin your current life and relationships.

According to Grand Master Choa Kok Sui, 'Inner Forgiveness is therapeutic. If you do not forgive, you cannot be internally healed. Forgiving heals the soul.' (Master Choa Kok Sui, 2004, p. 15)

15. Use healing techniques

Sometimes a painful event in the past has been so devastating that we cannot easily forget; or some emotional issues that are affecting our relationship such as stress, resentment, fear or low self-esteem seem to be very difficult to remove. In such cases alternative healing techniques can be very helpful to remove the unwanted feeling or behavior from your system.

Pranic Psychotherapy is one of the most effective methods dealing with behavioral and psychological issues. Its principles and techniques may be used to improve family relationships as well as save a marriage on the brink of a breakdown.

Pranic Psychotherapy is basically Pranic Healing applied in the treatment of psychological disorders. What we call disturbing emotions or thoughts are basically energy forms. Thinking and feeling in fact produce psychic beings which are called "thought forms" and "thought entities" that are real and can influence you and other people. 'When a person has a traumatic experience for example, the traumatic psychic energies produced are lodged in several chakras or energy centers which may in long run, manifest as stress or phobia.' (Master Choa Kok Shui, 2000, p. 17) Unless these thought forms and entities are removed from the system, using techniques such as Pranic Psychotherapy, they remain in the person's chakras and will continue to affect him and his relationship with others. Pranic Psychotherapy in this case can be applied to heal both partners and improve the relationship to a loving and harmonious level.

This news article is brought to you by GLOBAL WEATHER NEWS - where latest news are our top priority.

Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back - How Can I Make Him Want Me Back?

You are here because you decided to get your boyfriend back. Do you know, you have to change a few things in your life to get him back. In my article, I want to explain some features of male psychology to give you some insight what a man thinks after a break up.

After a break up you have a series of actions with the intention to get your ex boyfriend back, but you do not know that the result will be just the opposite of what you want. You attempted to get your boyfriends back but, unfortunately you, face with the unexpected result which is he has moved further away and has built blocks in between. This is not your fault. There is no school lesson teaching you or your mother did not tell you how to keep a man. These are the life lessons that learnt in time.

Some of the women are lucky. They were appreciated for the knowledge that they show the skill of retaining their men as they like. It seems they have a natural ability maintaining a long-term relationship. It is possible for you too. You can learn a few things about male psychology before you try to get your ex boyfriend back. My article will give you a few lessons about the male psychology.

Lesson 1 - Keep Away From Him

It seems wrong, but it is the most effective way to make him miss you and ignite the desires in him. This might be impossible, if you work at the same place or you study in the same classroom. Then let's try another tactic. Do not look at him, avoid contacting or avoid doing something that can give him an idea that you still have interest.

As he gets used to your close attention now he will surprise to see you moving on your own way. Actually he is expecting you to grab his attention. He will start to worry whether you love him or not. Do not worry to treat him cruelly; this will remind him the love and interest that he had for you at the beginning of your relationship. This is the most effective pace while getting your ex boyfriend back.

At this stage avoid being rude to him. Just give short answers, and act as if you are busy and you have to go somewhere else. Be careful not to cut all the communication streams. He will start to feel that you are unapproachable.

Lesson 2 - Have A Mystical Aura Around You

Remember the old days that you two enjoyed and what he liked about you. There is a fact that, for him, you are different from the rest. Reminiscing the good days, you can remember the good qualities of yourself and re-organize yourself. Were you going out for exercises, do it again. Were you going out with your girlfriends. Then call them and go out with them. Find new things to engage your mind. That will stop you from doing nonsense acts which may lower your dignity. You will see, he will notice the changes in you soon.

Update your social profiles regularly and show him how much you enjoyed and you are on the way of your own. He will realize how much he cares and how much he miss you. He will feel encouraged to call you. These are the best tactics to get your ex boyfriend back.

Last Words

These are very easily applicable lessons for you. There are still many ways to get your ex boyfriend back. If once he had really loved you have a great change to get your ex boyfriend back.

Alone Again, Naturally - Here's How You Can Get Your Life Back!

We grow up, we become responsible adults and good citizens and, if we're lucky, we fall in love. Ah, Love - that happy state which, when you enter, you are no longer alone, no longer a singleton, and two people become an item. You have a significant other in your life. Marriage may follow or, at least, a life-long commitment to a partner. You become happy and content. What can go wrong?

Well, sadly, things can, and do, go wrong - to bring to an end that once comfortable arrangement. There are many ways of losing a previously loved one. Premature death of one partner can seem cruel, while you just couldn't have imagined that divorce could ever happen to you. Sometimes, people simply drift apart, you may be jilted or infidelity in the relationship proves too much of a cross to bear.

There you are, 'alone' again, naturally. This can seem very strange, even scary after being an item for so long. The infrastructure of your very existence, from preparing the evening meal you cook, attending family events, to booking to see your favourite band, has suddenly changed. It's almost like going back in time.

To re-adjust; you have to adopt a new modus operandi - but only after a period of acceptance (bereavement in the case of the passing away of a partner), which can take months to years to pass, and it has to run its course. Only when you feel you're ready, should you take steps to 'move on'. Sadly, a proportion will never move on.

A time will come when you might feel particularly lonely, when you envy those couples holding hands in the park and when you feel your friends, trying to be nice, include you in events where, sans partner, you feel the odd one out. You begin to miss close company, intimacy and the unselfish act of sharing. You want your life back.

So you're ready to take that first step to a new chapter in your life. But how? The easiest, softly-softly approach, is by going online and joining a dating site. There you can control the how, the when, the where of meeting a future potential partner or companion. Sure, you've heard some horrible stories of people being taken for a ride with Internet dating, but that doesn't have to happen to you if you're careful and you choose a site where safety and confidentiality are taken seriously. You can browse profiles from the comfort of an armchair and take your time before ever deciding to meet up. A period of exchanging emails, followed by telephone conversations, can provide a re-assuring buffer. And if your new-found friend is on a social networking site, like Facebook, you should consider signing up also, where you can learn so much more about him/her. Nowadays, there is no longer a stigma attached to this way of meeting a future partner; in fact, it's becoming very common. It's also far less random than traditional dating since you can explore common interests and values even before you meet.

With that said and done, online dating should not preclude you from meeting people in 'offline' ways. Here are a few suggestions:

• Use an introduction agency or singles club. These can be pricey and are normally limited to the local area.


• Join a dance class! An excellent way of meeting a lot of people in a short space of time and a splendid pursuit for a healthy mind and body.


• Consider local clubs in the area. Your library should have details of may different activities in your locale. The subject areas are too numerous to mention but they can sporty, academic or highly specialized. Horses for courses!


• Become a volunteer. You will do a lot of good and it's a great way of meeting like-minded people.


• Solo travelling. It's amazing the people you can meet on your travels. But remember that a long-distance relationship, should that transpire, is not for the feint-hearted! If you have concerns about the safety of travelling solo, you might like to take a friend along who is also single, or join a website that finds you travel companions.


• Be open-minded. You might meet that special person when you're not looking, like in a store, coffee or book shop. Be friendly and always have a smile - a great currency when exchanging glances!

To name just a few.

You can get you life back on track, if having a partner again is what you want, but don't rush into it and approach it intelligently. You will find the necessary investment in time and effort well worth it. Good luck!

Maybe This Time Dating