Engaging coaches in your personal and professional life has become a trend: more and more seek the advice and servicers of one coach or another, be it for lack of time, lack of experience, inability to make the right choices by yourself or just a symbol of status (just like having a personal psychologist, lawyer and accountant).
But when it comes to relationships - whether you have a partner and are dissatisfied or are looking for a partner - do you really need a personal coach? Does the coach know something you don't? Can the coach really help you in ways you cannot help yourself?
On the surface the answer seems to be: Yes. The coach - so you hope - has the professional ability and the know-how about intimacy and relationships; the wisdom to give you insights you haven't had before; the experience to help you move from where you're stuck towards liberating yourself from old-rooted issues and enable you to have the relationship you wish.
But is it really so? Can a coach really help you develop and maintain a truly healthy and satisfying relationship? Can a coach truly help you change old habits of thinking, feeling, reacting and behaving and empower you to approach partners and relationships with a new vision, a new start and new capabilities?
No matter how hard a coach will be working for you; how much education and experience your coach has; no matter how much hope (and money!) you'll invest in the coach - one thing the coach can NOT do for you is develop your Self-Awareness. This is something you have to do on your own.
And this is the key to understanding what stands in your way from developing the relationship you so much desire.
Why can't your coach help you with that? Because developing Self-Awareness is an internal process; is looking inwards and understanding yourself better; is becoming aware of a host of factors which control you and drive you to behave in ways which have so far been counter-productive in your attempts to develop a healthy intimacy.
A coach can do so many things for you - but not this one. The problem is that this one - developing your Self-Awareness - is the most important process you need to go through in order to understand, once and for all, how you stand in your own way from developing the relationship you desire. A process through which you'll be able to realize:
* The fears and needs which stand in your way;
* The self-manipulations you are involved with to justify your failures;
*The messages you have internalized at a young age which (still) control your attitudes about partners and relationships (and therefore lead you to behave in ways which harm and sabotage your attempts);
* The perception of reality you hold on to which harms your attempts;
* The unrealistic expectations you might be holding on to about intimacy;
* And so on and so forth.
This process of Self-Awareness is something you can only do on your own. No coach can do it for you.
Therefore, if you think you need a coach in order to improve your relationship (if you have one) or to find a partner with whom to develop a healthy intimacy, take your time to determine how to become your own coach and how to develop your Self-Awareness and understand, once and for all, the factors controlling you which you haven't been conscious about until now.
It is when you coach yourself to engage with the process of Self-Awareness that you can get the insights necessary to embark on a process of change. You will then become able to approach partners and relationships in ways leading to success.
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