At the moment, it seems, what your ex DOESN'T want is you. So what is it they do want?
When you get dumped, you take a severe knock to your confidence and self-esteem. This can make you start questioning why you weren't good enough to be loved, and to make your ex happy. Then you can become too eager to please them. Constantly offering to change and saying that things will be different in the future are common mistakes. Think of the law of diminishing returns. The more available something is, the less it is valued. By being submissive to your ex you are making yourself too available, which is diminishing your value in their eyes even further.
Keep your relationship balanced
You are also making the relationship more and more one-sided. The more desperate you become to get back with your ex, the more you offer to change or give up just to have another chance with them. You are forgetting your own needs in your desire to be everything for your ex, but this kind of unequal relationship can never make either of you happy in the long run. Good relationships are those in which there is an equal amount of give and take.
A one-sided relationship is boring. When one person makes all the decisions, they come to have less and less respect and consideration for their partner. They feel less and less challenged and satisfied by the relationship. You need to have expectations of your partner that they must fulfil to keep you and make you happy. This makes them feel more committed to the relationship, and more fulfilled by it. It is what brings out the best in them.
Think about what makes people want to be in a relationship. It should enhance your life; make it brighter, happier and more enjoyable than it is when you are alone. When maintaining a relationship becomes more effort and less rewarding than life is alone, people leave. Remember that this is a perception, a subjective judgment, and is not necessarily logical. It's just how the situation looked to your ex.
What you ex does want
So what your ex really wants isn't a doormat who makes themselves permanently available to be trampled on and used. Instead they want a companion, a lover and a friend who will join them in life's great adventure, and make things exciting and fun. You should be concentrating on yourself, not on your ex. You should be looking at ways to enhance your own life and make it worth living for its own sake. Then other people - including your ex - will want to be part of that life.
Right now your ex has already become bored with your relationship. They are seeing all the best potential for a fun, exciting life as lying outside the little box of your life together. By trying to pander to your ex's every need, you are not opening that box to see the world outside, but closing it even tighter and shutting the world out.
So although you are right in believing that you need to change things, it is not to please your ex, but to please yourself. Don't try to convince your ex that life can be different in the future; SHOW them!
Use actions, not words
Make your actions speak louder than words. Show your ex the person they fell in love with, the person who had a life and purpose of their own. Show them that life with you is an adventure, not a prison. Make it clear that you are headed somewhere special, so that they want to join you on your journey.
Things don't have to end badly between you. Even if your ex has started seeing other people, you still have an advantage in your shared past, and how much you know about the best ways to turn them on. Use your knowledge to grab their attention and curiosity. Show them that they don't need to leave you to get their desires fulfilled. Make them see that nothing could outdo the great times that lie ahead for you both.
Above all don't try to tell your ex about your great plans for the future. They have already heard enough from you, so don't try to win them over by talking any more. The key to getting your ex back is to give them something to wonder and think about. Keep them uncertain about what you are going to do next. That way you can be certain that they are thinking about you!
Create a new future
You need to present your ex with a vision of the future that is alluring and exciting. Think of the things you have thought of doing in the past, and see how you could work towards making them happen. Fill your life with positive and interesting things and you will start to get the message across that you are an exciting, fun person anyone would be glad to have as a friend or lover.
Remember that positive is always best. Your ex doesn't want someone who is their subordinate; they want a companion who will share and contribute to a bright and exciting future together. Just make them see that you are that person, and you will be on the way to winning back your ex.
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