Get Your Ex Back - After the Break Up - Should You Call Your Ex?

I really want my ex back - should I call?

This is not a straightforward question to answer. But if you have only just broken up, then the answer is almost certainly 'no'. You are facing a very delicate situation, and in your emotional state you should not race into action without first getting some good advice. You need to understand your situation thoroughly before taking any action, and that means avoiding mistakes and having a proper strategy.

Both of you need to cool down first and get over the trauma of the breakup. This usually means not contacting your ex for a while, and presenting a happy, positive front should you happen to run into each other. Your best chance of getting things right lies in taking proper advice, as every nuance required can't be covered in the space of a single article.

When you have got a grip on yourself and your predicament, you can start thinking about how to move towards positive action in getting your ex back. If you have been canny enough to follow a strategy, then you will know that your first aim is to use psychological triggers to get your ex to contact you, rather than the other way around. But what if this doesn't happen?

You may find that you do have to call your ex if they don't contact you. If so, it is crucial that you have a strategy in place first.

A Question of Timing

You need to resist the temptation to call too soon. There are lots of reasons for this. Depending on how much drama was generated by your break up, you need to allow time for things to calm down and the dust to settle. It is no good trying to patch things up with your ex while they are still mad at you. You also need time to gain control of yourself and your emotions, as it is essential that you do not try to contact your ex while you are still feeling upset. Make sure you have made a genuine effort to understand what went wrong, rather than simply blaming your ex (or yourself) for everything.

How Do You See the Future?

We know you want your ex back. But you must have something more effective in place to succeed rather than just a burning desire to get back together. It will be fruitless if you just make the future a repetition of the past. That is why you need to understand what went wrong, so that you can also think about how you might behave in future in order to create a more successful relationship.

Have a Plan of Action

if you blow it during your first attempt to contact your ex, you may not get another chance. Don't just call and hope for the best. Think carefully beforehand about what you want to achieve by your call. Keep your ambitions realistic (don't expect everything to be moonlight and roses straight away) and decide the best way to make them happen. When you are under the pressure of actually talking to your ex, it will be hard to think on the run, so make notes beforehand. Decide what you need to say to get through to them, and practise your lines before you call. Be ready with a good opening line, as you don't want your ex to slam the phone down before you have a chance to get started. Anticipate a rough ride and have some persuasive arguments ready for why your ex should be willing to listen to you.

Be Reasonable

Don't even attempt it unless you have a positive outlook and are prepared to show patience. Your best tactic is to disarm any potential hostility by agreeing with the break up. This will make your ex feel less defensive, and show that you are not about to go over old and painful ground. Your aim is to look to the future, and make it clear that you want any interaction between you to be easy and pleasant. You need to sound confident and positive, so practise first and make sure your mood is upbeat when you call.

Be Patient

Don't expect one phone call to change everything. It will take time to rebuild your relationship, just as it took time to build it in the beginning. If you can build a rapport with your ex, you will have succeeded in the most difficult step. Go slowly and keep your mind on how different things are going to be this time. Be ready to show your ex how much better things can be in the future. Allow for the fact that they may need a lot of convincing!

Be clear in your mind about what you are doing before you take any action. Impulsive or reckless behaviour could blow your chances for good. Unless you feel very confident of your ability not to mess up, you would be very wise to get some more detailed advice before doing anything potentially fatal. Saving your relationship is your number one priority here, so don't try to cut corners and find yourself shut out for good.

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