!["EzineArticles]("/images/ea_logo.png"){kind=logo}
How Online Marriage Agencies Can Help Defeat Your Solitude
Ending the Journey of Hurt and Pain
Dating Advice for Men - Three Mistakes of Inexperience
In my opinion, there are lots of mistakes that men make that can all be traced back to their inexperience with women. I don't just mean inexperience as far as dating goes, I also mean inexperience as far as socializing with women just on a friendly level as well. Those kinds of mistakes do make it harder to understand exactly what it is that you need to do if you are going to attract women.
Here are 3 mistakes that I see men make that come from inexperience with women:
1. Thinking women are all wired exactly the same way.
If you go broad enough, then it might seem like this is true. However, if you get into the details, you know that this is not true. Thinking that all women are wired the same way is what makes guys think that they can learn one really good pick up line and they'll be able to do well with all women. That's just not the way that it is and if you really want to do well with females, you have to give up on that oversimplified look at women.
2. Thinking that making a woman feel a little bit of sexual tension is a bad thing.
I can't believe how many guys think that it is a bad thing to make a woman feel sexual tension. There is the bad kind of tension that just breaks rapport, but there is the good kind that actually increases a woman's desire and her attraction and that is sexual tension and that is what you want to know how to create if you are going to do really well with females.
3. Being afraid to disagree with a woman every now and again.
Sucking up to a woman is not the way to go. You need to be able to disagree with a woman every now and again. That makes the attraction seem more genuine and more real. It's okay to not like every single thing that she does and to make that known. I see a lot of guys do this. They'll act like they totally agree with a woman on everything because that is what they "think" they are supposed to do.
Making mistakes is one thing. Making too many mistakes is another. If you really want to do well with women and have an easier time when it comes to dating, these are 3 mistakes that you need to avoid making.
Wednesday, February 27, 2013
Online Dating Tips: Two Killer Secrets of a Winning Profile
Steps To Surviving A Bad Break-Up
What To Do After a Relationship Ends
So you want to get your ex back. We have all been there but do not just feel like you want them back and then run off trying to convince your ex-girlfriend that you should be together. You will fail and end up being more miserable.
Here is the First Step:
Wait.
That's it. Waiting will let all the emotions tied to the break-up subside. The feelings of anger, rejection, sadness, loneliness, fear and so on are usually present when a relationship ends. All these feelings are really powerful and they will motivate you to do stupid things sometimes (like texting your ex). By waiting for all these emotions to subside you will allow yourself to gain some perspective and really figure out if you really do want your ex back.
You may out of fear of being alone try to get back with your ex. You may even succeed and lucky you - now you are with someone that you realize (again) that you have nothing in common with. So wait - make sure you really want to be back with your ex.
But I'm So Miserable I Cannot Wait
The end of a relationship is tough and there can be a grieving process to it. Rather than going through what is a very natural process your emotions are telling you to end the pain and get her back so you can have a more comfort. You have to realize that what you are going through will pass and that getting back with your ex may not be the solution (and you could be setting yourself up for some worse pain). Also- I doubt they will want to get back with someone who is so miserable and full of self pity.
Try getting outside yourself - do new things, volunteer, exercise, take a positive action until the feelings subside. I promise you that once your head clears you will then know in your heart if you really want to get back with your ex and then you will be able to do it for the right reasons.
Plus with the time you have given yourself (and your ex) you will be amazed at the strength and confidence you have gained by going through those feelings and by not letting them control you. You will be free of a lot of baggage and be in a relationship because you love the other person and not just because you are afraid of being alone.
I found a lot of relief from a break-up I when I read the M3 System Review. Michael Griswold's guide gave me a plan of action that helped me get through the sad times and helped give me the tools I need to get my ex back while at the same time helping me realize that I was just fine being single
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
Great Tips On How to Make Your Relationship Work
Frozen Dinner for One or One Blind Date? (A Dating Dilemma )
Monday, February 25, 2013
Letting the 'Young Man' Go
Watch Out for Desperate Chinese Women
Saturday, February 23, 2013
Tips on How to Text a Girl
For all of you guys that may have decent skill level with dating women, you may find yourself frequently getting phone numbers. You go out at night with your friends, end up meeting a girl at the bar or club and have a great interaction, and then you exchange phone numbers. You may be ecstatic after this happens as you may believe you have everything locked with her. Well, you and many others are not even near sealing any sort of deal with her. This is where you need to know how to text the girl.
When I first started getting into dating, I found that every girl I texted almost never responded to me. Regardless of how much fun we had the night we met, I would get nothing the next morning. Sometimes girls may just be out having a fun time with alcohol and may give you the number to enhance the moment and then forget about you the next day. This is where you need some good text game.
For the girls who are evidently drunk, you need to text them within minutes even if you are both still in the club. Help her re-experience the fun you had, and this way she will also remember you in case she is drunk. If you wait too long, you will just be a fun couple of minutes to her that she will forget about. Dealing with girls that are drunk can be difficult, as they become totally different the next morning when sober. The best attempt would be to repeat a joke via text that you both laughed about during your interaction. Not all girls get super drunk, so here are tips to have a successful text the next day.
First off, don't listen to anyone that has said to wait a few days before texting a girl. Totally wrong. You need to text a girl the next day so she can be reminded of the experience you both had. One common mistake that guys make and I used to make, was simply texting boring stuff like "Hey," "What's up," and generic lines like that. The key here is to make her laugh so she can relive the fun experience she had with you. Take note and remember what you talked about with the girl. For example, if you both talked about how you hate cats, you can invite her over to go cat shopping in a playful way. She will laugh and be reminded about the fun you had the night before.
To make simple, just relive the funny interactions you had with each other so she can be reminded of your value. Texting is simple, but many guys end up losing girls with boring and predictable texts. Make her laugh, and more importantly make her remember why she talked to you and the value you bring to the table as a man.
Friday, February 22, 2013
How to Choose Between Two Men
Do You Love an Alcoholic?
How to End an Informal Email in Online Dating
How to Stop False Rumors That Can Ruin Your Reputation
Does Every New Relationship Feel Like DeJa Vu? How To Break That Pattern
What to Do When She Says Definitely Maybe to a Date?
Improve Your Relationship - Dating an EMT or Paramedic With Eyes Wide Open
Thursday, February 21, 2013
Are You Ready to Date Chinese Women?
If you are looking for a life partner on a Chinese dating site, it would probably be because you sincerely believe Chinese women possess the traits you are looking for in a wife and can offer you the kind of companionship and love that women from your own culture cannot. As with all things related to love and relationships, however, things are not as simple as finding a person with the right blend of characteristics. Many times, in fact, people end up with those they would normally not be able to get along with, much less tolerate. But love has reasons which reason cannot understand, as the French philosopher, Blaise Pascal, said.
Chinese women, indeed, possess a number of traits that make them very suitable life partners. Compared to women from the west, and even some women from other eastern cultures, the women of China were molded by thousands of years worth of good family values. A lot of these values have, of course, served to oppress them for much of their history. At the same time, these values have made devotion and faithfulness innate characteristics of China women. There are, however, other deeply-ingrained and culturally-endowed traits that may clash against yours and, at the least, make you shake your head at times or, at the worst, really test your patience.
One such trait that you will have to learn to accept is the importance of "face" to the Chinese. More specifically, they are obsessed with not "losing face," which means losing prestige, dignity, and reputation. For example, when the meaning of an instruction gets lost in translation and, as a result, a mistake is committed, a Chinese person would either try to cover it up by making up an excuse that would not involve an admission that he/she misunderstood the instruction, or he/she would just stay silent and pretend that there was no mistake committed. They would go to great lengths to avoid embarrassment and conflicts and, at the same time, to be accommodating and polite all in the name of "saving or maintaining face." To a foreigner who does not fully understand this deeply-ingrained trait, it may look like a form of dishonesty or deceit. In a lot of cases, they would rather stay silent, refusing to give an answer, when the answer to the question is a "No."
The Chinese also live by the saying "He who says the least says the most." Normal conversations would often involve mostly metaphors, allusions, intuitive comparisons, or hints, rather than getting straight to the point. They also always expect the person they are talking to know to read between the lines and grasp their meaning. At the same time, they try their best not to put anybody in uncomfortable or embarrassing situations. In other situations, the Chinese can be so direct and frank to a point that can be considered tactless. This can be perfectly exemplified by their wont to ask people they just met and especially a potential husband about personal information such as their age, educational attainment, profession, and how much money they make. And when the Chinese don't like you, they make it perfectly clear.
These examples, of course, are not of traits that should be automatically considered negative, unfavorable, or undesirable. They may, however, pose problems in a relationship when a foreign man does not have an adequate understanding of Chinese culture. And then there are those who, despite having substantial knowledge of its culture through years of living in China and interacting with its people, a foreign man may still find some Chinese traits and behaviors a challenging test of patience and tolerance. This would not automatically mean that he dislikes the country and its people, only that he also has deeply-ingrained beliefs and traits of his own that were influenced by his own culture and which do not conform with certain aspects of Chinese society.
When one has set his heart on finding a wife among the covetable women of China through Chinese online dating, he has to be ready to take the woman he chooses in her entirety, pleasing and vexing traits alike. After all, she would be doing the same for him and going through the same challenges of understanding and accepting his culture.
Wednesday, February 20, 2013
More Men Are Attracted To You Than You Think - Their Body Language Prove It
Conflict Resolution Training: Do You Want to Know a Secret? Listen
The Watch Man
Tuesday, February 19, 2013
Is Online Dating the Best Method for Shy Singles?
7 Good Reasons Why Women Love Bad Boys
How to Stop Workplace Bullying
Experiencing Hurt in Healing Ways
What To Text a Woman
This article is going to tell you what you should text a woman and how you should do it. Following these tips will help you accomplish your objective, whether it is asking her out for a date, sending a follow-up text or getting her to respond. Texting a woman can be a difficult but if you listen carefully, it will become very easy.
Correct The Spelling and Grammar
Using correct spelling and grammar is a must. Know the difference between "you're" and "your", "to" and "too". You should also try and avoid using abbreviations especially if you want her to take you seriously.
Texting "I like you" is much better than texting "I like u". A woman can become uninterested in a guy who doesn't know how to spell, so make sure you double check everything before you send it.
Be descriptive
Being descriptive helps to create a good mood and make a woman's imagination come alive. If she asks you how your day was, you could respond with either "It was really good" or "I just saw the sunset, the sky was glowing orange and red-looked amazing!"
The last response goes into a lot of detail and creates a vivid image in her mind. She will more likely be interested in what you have to say next and respond back to you.
Use Pet Names
Giving her a pet name is something you should also consider. Calling her something like darling, sweetie, cutie pie or adorable brat will make her feel more special in your eyes.
She will most likely give a name to you that add to the overall experience. These pet names can be used to tease her, which will most defiantly put a smile on her face. It also creates a memory and secret that only you two will share.
Use Emoticons
Smiley face and other emoticons can be used to bring more emotion and feeling into your texts. When used correctly they can make almost any text message seem more upbeat and inviting, which give her a good impression of you.
This in turn will make her more likely to respond to your texts, due to you giving off a positive vibe. Always try to keep your text messages positive.
Pay attention
Pay attention to what a woman puts into a text. The more you remember the better. Sometimes subtext will be used to indirectly ask questions or for you to take action.
If it is nigh time and she texts you saying "So are you out and about then?" it could also mean that she wants to see you.
To make sure that this is true you would have to analyse her previous text messages to understand fully her state of mind.
Improvise
Improvisation can make your texts easy to think of things to say. It will also make it a whole lot more fun and interesting. If a woman says goodbye to you in Spanish you could say goodbye back to her in French.
Improvising and keeping with the theme will make you appear much more intelligent and charming. It also shows that you are both on the same wavelength and have good chemistry.
Make her smile
Always try to make a woman smile when texting. You will know that have done this because she will tell you about it. If you can make a woman smile via text she will be wondering how you would make her feel by meeting up.
Using these rules and advice will help you know what to text a woman in almost any circumstance. The more you put them into practice the better you will become. But remember to keep on your toes because all girls are different and are full of surprises.
Monday, February 18, 2013
Free Dating Sites: Best Is Now Online
Thursday, February 14, 2013
Love Letters to Your Life Leaders
"And in the end it's not the years in your life that count.
It's the life in your years."
˜ Abraham Lincoln
In honor of Lincoln's birthday and in celebration of Valentine's week, I came up with a new twist on writing "love" letters.
Instead of just writing love notes to my family this year, I should write letters of appreciation to the great leaders who have added "life to my years."
Lincoln was a great leader. His example was one of honesty, integrity and steadfastness in his beliefs.
If Lincoln were alive today, I would thank him for being such a positive role model for me, my children, and people everywhere.
This thought inspired me to really think hard about the influential people who I have had in my life - the teachers, preachers and mentors, and the valuable lessons that they have taught me.
Because of these special people, I have become the person that I am today... the reader, the thinker, the writer, the creator, the nurturer, the believer, the doer, the friend.
Being a week full of honor and celebration, I am going to let these special people know what they have meant to me through the art of writing "love" letters or more appropriately, letters of appreciation.
My initial "love" letter would be to my first grade teacher, Mrs. Dobbins, who introduced me to reading and gave me a thirst for knowledge.
My second letter would be to Mr. Rodgers, my 7th grade Social Studies teacher, who showed great disappoint in me when I got a 78 on a project because he knew that I could do so much better than that.
To this day I do everything to the best of my ability. I have even raised my children with the philosophy of "going above and beyond" on all assignments and tasks.
The letters could go on and on, and they will.
However, the point here is that there are so many important people in our lives that would be forever grateful if they only knew how much they meant to us and how we are better because of them.
Examples, of great personal leaders who might have had a part in creating the amazing, wonderful you, are:
- Education - professors, teachers, counselors, principals, superintendents
- Place of worship - heads of worship, facilitators of classes, counselors
- Extracurricular - coaches, club leaders, personal mentors
- Work - bosses, professional mentors, colleagues
- Public - presidents, "Fore Fathers," representatives, judges, military personnel
On this very special day that is Lincoln's birthday, what better way to show appreciation than through handwritten "love" notes that sing their praises through detailed examples?
Maybe you will mail them, maybe you won't.
If you can, it would surely make all the difference in the world to those who have made all the difference in the world to you.
This is your chance to say "thank you," maybe one last time.
Be sure to make a copy of the letter for yourself, then mail the original to your influential leaders or at the very least, a close family member of their's who will appreciate knowing just how much their loved one affected your life.
If mailing them is not possible, then keep the letters close so that you come across them often, reminding yourself of all the wonderful people who you have been blessed to know.
This project will be a great inspiration for not only yourself as you continue your journey of personal growth, but will warm the hearts of those who helped you along the way.
Here's to another Inspired Minute!
Surviving A Break Up - First Love Heartbreaks
The World Of Online Dating Decoded
Fun and Adventurous Things to Do This Valentine's Day!
The Dangers of Positive Thinking! How Looking on the Bright Side Can Keep You in the Dark!
Wednesday, February 13, 2013
Your ADHD Valentine in Love and Relationships
Ahh Valentine's Day. A whole day traditionally devoted to celebrating love. And as it is quickly approaching, my thoughts turn to relationships, all sorts of different ADHD relationships, and how ADHD can be a test for even the strongest connections.
When I work with adults, often the focus of our coaching sessions turns to a request for the best ways to handle conflicts with partners. I often hear these concerns:
"I'm tired of always being late. No matter what I do, I can't seem to get there on time. I feel awful and he gets so disappointed and angry with me."
"We got into a huge fight last night. She says I don't listen to her and zone out in conversations. It's not that I don't care, but the problem is - she's right."
"I can't believe I did it again. I missed our anniversary. I had it on my calendar, even left myself a note, but I completely spaced out about the date again."
When one half of a relationship has ADHD, small adjustments in communication and expectations can make a world of difference. Here are some strategies and tools to try so your Valentine's Day and everyday is harmonious and loving:
1. Post it, post it, post it. Lists can be a valuable time and relationship saver. You can use the basic post it note, sync your phones so they share messages and reminders or use dry erase paint on the kitchen wall - just make sure the list and reminders are in a prominent place so they can be seen and updated often.
Side notes- For non-ADHDers - Stay calm and caring if you verbally cue your partner to do something. ADHDers - remember, reminders are not meant to be nagging nor judgmental. They are merely attempts to help keep everyone on track and aware of what needs to be done.
2. Be clear and concrete in your communication. Don't just say you are going to work late. Try to set a time range that you plan to leave the office. Then set your watch to go off ten minutes before that time so you can wrap things up or call to say you will be later than expected. It may save many dinners from being cold or tossed in the trash with an angry hungry spouse waiting for you.
Side note - for non-ADHDers, ask for clarification. If your partner says they will come by after work, ask what that means... right after they get out at five, after they go home and change, sometime around dinner, etc. That way you both clear on the expectations.
3. Schedule planning meetings. Whether you connect in the morning to review the day's events or sit down on Sundays to map out the week, make sure you review the list and calendar together, updating what needs to be done and cross checking any scheduling conflicts.
4. Before you launch into emotional discussions, ask if the other person is available to listen. This 'availability' means that the other person is in a place to focus and attend to what is being said. Limit other distractions and keep the conversation short and to the point. Ask the listener to repeat what he/she heard to determine if what was heard and absorbed is correct.
5. Know each other's love language. Each one of us has a way we show and experience love. If your spouse feels love through your helping around the house, then start a conscious practice to finish that to do list. Or if they feel connected to you when you spend quality time together, schedule dates and attention. If feeling appreciated means giving your Valentine a thoughtful gift, be sure to keep a stash of paper and bows for those occasions. Your conflicts may not even be ADHD related, but merely misunderstanding of how you express and feel loved.
Each of these tips can be applied to any ADHD relationship to increase connection and reduce misunderstanding, whether that is professional, personal, parental or romantic.
I wish you all a wonderful, loved filled ADHD Valentine's Day!
Should You Kiss on a First Date With an Online Match?
I can personally attest to the fact that online dating can be pretty nerve-wracking. The anticipation is typically far worse than the date itself but as the night draws to a close a thought may well pop into your head: should I go for the kiss?
It is the tipping point -- will your match return the kiss or move aside? And even if your match does like you, is it too soon?
The question of "too soon" is a pertinent one and may well present itself to you on the first date. I personally think that the best time to kiss is the second date, but what about beforehand -- should you kiss on the first date?
Let's start by talking about first dates in the "real world," which are very different to those in the online dating world. Unless it's a blind date you will have already met your match before and may already know them quite well. For those reasons a kiss on the first date might be totally appropriate. But I consider dates with online matches to be a completely different ball game and wouldn't recommend a kiss on the first date unless the sparks are really flying.
Why? Well at the risk of sounding too cold, it's a simple case of risk aversion. Even if your match does like you on the first they may not be ready for a kiss. For someone who is new to online dating the concept of chatting someone online and quickly transitioning to a "real" situation can be a shock to the system. As such, they might not be too keen to kiss on the first date. I actually know a few girls who have a "no kiss on the first date" rule. This means that a girl might like you and yet still reject you, which will really throw a spanner in the works.
Alternatively (or additionally), consider this: how special can a kiss really feel on the first date? Even if a date goes really well I'm not typically at the point in which a kiss will feel anything more than just that -- a kiss. If you are keen to make that first kiss count and be something to remember, you should definitely avoid it on the first date.
Having said all of that, I don't want to dampen your enthusiasm. If it feels totally right for you to kiss on the first date, go for it. I've just never been there myself -- even when I've really liked a girl. We're all different at the end of the day, so trust your instinct if you feel confident enough to do so!
Healing Wounds in a Relationship
Healing wounds suffered in a relationship is a painful exercise and is one that requires both time and effort to get through. Fixing a broken relationship is an arduous task and requires co-operation from both parties concerned.
A relationship between two individuals does not face an abrupt stop. Things start deteriorating and it is only after a certain time it reaches a point of no return. It is therefore very important to identify what issues made the relationship reach such a tipping point.
The same principles that a car mechanic would apply to repair your car, applies here to your relationship. He would first assess the situation and identify where exactly the situation went wrong and then take remedial steps. Similarly one needs to identify what caused the relationship to falter and then come up with a plan to counter it.
It is not just enough to identify what or where exactly you might have faltered but also important to critically make a self assessment as to what part you might have played in the relationship deteriorating. This is a difficult task considering no one wants to accede to have committed any wrong since in your view it is your partner who is always at fault. However you need to shut everything out and calmly asses the mistakes you might have committed and the painful acts that you might have done to hurt your partner.
It is not just physical acts, but painful words that you might have spoken during your angry outbursts may also have taken its toll on the relationship.
Once these mistakes are identified, one needs to make a dedicated effort in mitigating them. If you feel that your ego does not permit you to walk the whole distance and the effort is merely to buy temporary peace then it is better to terminate your relationship at that point. Dragging it further down the road will certainly make both of your lives more miserable.
Another aspect of working on a broken relationship to heal simmering wounds is the fact that it takes two to tango. If you are ready to walk that extra mile but your partner does not respond adequately or vice versa, this settlement will never work out. It is not possible to mend the relationship alone and if both of you feel that you are not able to commit 100% it is best you move on separately.
Some people are hesitant to work on their relationship for the reason that if by some miracle they get back together; they think it will never be the same way when the relationship started. The years of fighting and hurt caused will invariably leave behind scars. However, the good news is that time is a healer and the past experiences will make your marriage that much stronger.
These things need to be kept in mind when both of you are investing time in mending the pains of a broken relationship. If both of you feel that progress is being made and either side is reciprocating to the effort, the bond will get stronger than before. What you need however is a bit of patience and unconditional love.
How Do I Approach a Woman I Am Attracted To?
I would say that for most men, approaching a woman that they are not really attracted to isn't that hard of a thing to do. What makes things different is when they feel that twinge of attraction and they suddenly start to see her as being someone that they really want to impress. That's usually when it starts to become hard to approach a woman. So, if you are trying to figure out how to approach a woman you are attracted to, that's a start. To realize that the attraction is what makes it a little more difficult.
Here is some more advice if you want to know how to approach a woman you are attracted to:
1. Confidence is always going to play a key role if you are going to approach a woman successfully.
That is what starts to get different between approaching a woman you don't feel attracted to and one that you do. With the one that you don't feel much attraction for, your confidence isn't shaky at all. It's intact. On the other hand, if you really feel that she is someone you want to impress, suddenly - your confidence seems to sink. You need to find a way to bring it back up.
2. You are going to have to have some pretty decent flirting skills.
How good are you at flirting with a woman naturally? If you are not really that good at it and it comes across as anything but natural, then you know that you have to work on that. Being able to naturally flirt with a woman right off the bat is another key thing if you are going to make her feel like she should get to know you better. You want to make her feel like flirting isn't forced, that it just comes natural when you are around her.
3. Each one is going to get a little bit easier.
Your first approach isn't going to go as well as you want it to. That's just the way that it usually happens. That's okay. Each approach that you make, it gets a little bit easier. When you have gotten to the point where you've approached many women that you are attracted to, you are going to find that you don't feel that weird about it at all. It will be something that you are able to do, without even having to think twice about it.
This article is sponsored by real estate news.
How to Talk to Pretty Women - 3 Tips for Making Conversation With Attractive Females
Does the very thought of trying to talk to pretty women make you feel a little bit nervous? Are you the kind of guy who wants to be able to approach attractive females, but for some reason, you always seem to find a reason not to? Do you want that to change? It's pretty common for men to find that when it comes to talking to a pretty woman, they start to get a little bit nervous and they might even feel like their mind goes blank and they don't really know what to say. However, you don't have to feel that way forever.
Here are some tips that will help you out if you want to be able to talk to pretty women:
1. Don't make the mistake of just talking about how pretty she is.
I've seen this happen quite a bit. A guy actually gets up the nerve to talk to a good looking woman and what does he do? He keeps finding ways to tell her that he thinks that she is pretty. While it is perfectly fine to give her a compliment about her looks, going on and on about it usually doesn't do much at all as far as making her feel attracted to you.
2. You need to be able to make eye contact with her.
Some guys just can't do this and it ends up working against them. Just because she is good looking, it doesn't mean that you shouldn't be able to make eye contact with her while talking to her. If you are not able to do this, it can easily give her a bad impression of you and you obviously don't want to do that. Look her in the eyes, hold the eye contact for a little bit. Don't stare, though.
3. Talk about things that are going to keep her talking to you.
One of the best ways to do this is to ask open ended questions about things that really interest her. With open ended questions, you don't end up with just yes and no answers. And as long as you are asking about things that really interest her, she is going to want to keep talking to you. The trick, though, is not to ask too many questions because that can end up seeming like you are grilling her for answers and that doesn't make for a good impression.
This article is sponsored by free dating site.
Relationships: Why Do Some People Fear Losing Themselves In Relationships?
The whole idea of someone losing themselves in a relationship may sound completely ridiculous. And if this was to be taken literally, then yes, it does sound crazy.
Because physically it is impossible to lose oneself in another person; there is nowhere to go and it is clearly not possible. And if this is the perception that one has, it is a result of a lack of understanding of what it actually means.
What it relates to is someone's mental and emotional aspects and these have nothing to do with their physicality. But even though this may be physically impossible; it doesn't mean that its affect is less severe.
Intimacy
The primary consequence to this fear is going to be a lack of functional intimacy. Through having this fear, there is not going to be much chance of one connecting to another. Being vulnerable is an important part of intimacy and if one has this fear, opening up will be a real challenge.
Opening up will be perceived as dangerous and as something to be avoided at all costs. And as a result of this, there is not much chance of real intimacy developing.
Patterns
While the above may be a consequence, it is often a process that goes on out of one's conscious awareness. For example, on the surface one may feel like a victim and that they have no control over the intimacy in their life.
Consciously one can have a story about how unlucky they are, but what there are likely to be are patterns. This may relate to attracting relationships where other people are: distant, aloof or emotionally unavailable. Or people who are: inappropriate, incompatible and a complete mismatch.
It may relate to attracting people who are overwhelming, smothering and overbearing. They may also be controlling and have no boundaries whatsoever.
Three Options
What these patterns are amounting to is a dynamic that has three options; that are described above. One of these will involve seeking and grasping. Another will lead to one feeling neither pulled nor repelled. The final one will involve pulling away and resisting.
One may find that their behaviour fits one of these options more than it does the other. And switching from one to the other can also occur. If one becomes aware of this dynamic then there is a chance that change will happen.
But very often, one will just go from one to another and back again; ending up on an endless cycle of frustration and pain.
The Same Story
So if one were to step back and see these three primary scenarios, it would become clear that they are actually sides of the same coin. But, no matter what patterns are in place, it is not leading to a fulfilling relationship with someone.
There may be many other patterns and dramas that are created, but the consequences are the same. On the surface this can all seem to be out of one's control and that they are just happening.
However, these experiences are the result of what ones ego mind has associated as being familiar and therefore as what is safe.
Associations
At a deeper level, one's ego mind has associated being close to another as something that will result in the loss of the self. This is what is familiar to the ego mind and what is being interpret as safe.
Now, at one point in ones life this association may well have been what kept one safe. This was probably during ones childhood years. And as an adult, one is simply creating the same experiences as a result of these early associations that were formed.
The Big Challenge
What then happens is the natural need for connection and intimacy, has been interfered with. And as this is such an important need, it inevitably has the potential to create incredible pain and suffering in one's life.
For as long as these associations are in place, one will continue to avoid intimacy at all costs and all the while having a deep need for it at the same time.
Childhood
Being brought up by caregivers who have no boundaries and therefore have no understanding of what personal space is; will lead to dysfunctional consequences. Their ability to offer empathic care is also going to be diminished.
Feeling overwhelmed, controlled and taken advantage are then the rule and not the exception. And this means that one's sense of self and ego boundaries will not form as they should. The priority is the caregiver's needs and not the Child's.
This doesn't have to be extremely traumatic occurrence or occurrences; it can be an accumulation of fairly insignificant events.
Relationship Model
What these early experiences do is form ones relationship model. It is then only natural, that as a result of the associations that are fumed during this time, one will fear that their personal space would be violated if they were to be in a relationship.
Awareness
The ego mind will continue to perceive life in the same way and this is why these associations need to change. To let go off what happened in the past will enable one to attract people who will respect ones personal space.
Another part of this will be to formed functional boundaries. These will allow one to form a sense of self and to open up and to feel safe doing so. There are many approaches out there, from therapists, to books and other things.
This article is sponsored by technology.