Relationship Advice - Why Does My Ex Want To Be Friends? Part 1

Normally, a breakup means the relationship is over and each person needs to go their separate ways. But sometimes there are residual effects of a relationship that don't allow it to be completely over. The normal pattern would be for each person to get on with their own life and have no contact with their ex partner. But what happens when your ex wants to remain friends? Why would they want that? There are a number of reasons...

1. They want to keep track of you. They might be ready to move on to dating other people, but perhaps they haven't accepted the fact that you are too. The thought of you being with someone else is unnerving and something they don't like to think about. Keeping you around means they will know as soon as you show any interest in another person. What will they do when that happens? They try to not think about that. In the meantime, you have to wonder if they have it in them to try to sabotage a new relationship when you start one.

2. They feel guilty things ended the way they did. Even though the relationship ended, there was still a time when you as a couple were closer to each other than anyone else. That is sometimes hard to get over, even though the intimate relationship is no more. This is also something an ex partner can be unwilling, or maybe unable to let go of, especially if they are the one who wanted the breakup. Guilt can be a powerful and controlling emotion.

3. They are too closely related to your life. You have a lot of the same friends, you hang out at a lot of the same places, and you will undoubtedly see each other at quite a few of the same events in the future, simply by association. If they are going to be seeing so much of you and be subjected to so much of your company, why not be friends and make it a more comfortable setting?

4. They simply don't want to be alone. This is especially true when there is a significant amount of time invested in the relationship. No one likes to start over but some people might not have it in them to do so... even if they wanted to. Perhaps they have never had another serious relationship outside of the one with you and they fear they won't have another one. To them, this is too terrifying to even face and admit.

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