Does Marriage Counseling Work? - Is It Right for Me?

Google marriage counseling and you'll find sites singing its praises; sites claiming it's just a waste of time and money; self help programs saying you don't need counseling if you just buy their program; and a bunch of therapist's websites eagerly trying to get you to come to them.

This cacophony of information would be confusing enough at the best of times, but if you're looking into marriage counseling it's likely the most important part of your life is falling apart. The last thing you need right now is something else to think about.

There are only three things you need to know before deciding if marriage counseling is right for you.

1 - Does it work?
2 - Can I afford it?
And 3- Is my marriage worth saving?

Does marriage counseling work? With so many marriages in trouble the couples therapy business has to be booming right, and still it seems like everyone is getting divorced anyway. Sadly most couples just get divorced without ever seeing a marriage therapist. Because there are so many couples not seeking help, most marriage therapists work in other areas of mental health, and don't actually do much if any marriage counseling.

Well that's all very interesting but is couples counseling effective? Most of the time couples who do seek help, use marriage therapy as a kind of last ditch effort before divorce. The marriage is in serious distress, and often one person is not really engaged in the process. With emotionally focused marriage therapy, 75 percent of these generally distressed marriages show significant improvement after marriage counseling. For couples who don't wait, and where both partners are engaged in the process the effectiveness of marriage counseling rises to 90 percent.

OK so marriage counseling works, but can I afford it? The price of marriage counseling ranges from about $75 an hour on the low end to above $200 an hour on the high end. To be effective most couples need to attend therapy once a week for about 8 to 12 weeks. If you're bad at math you're looking at between $600 and $2400. Realistically you're going to spend about $1200.

Not an entirely insignificant amount, but good luck getting divorced for $1200, and how much is a happy emotionally satisfied marriage worth? Would you pay $1200 for your marriage to be more like it was when you first got married? And what are the emotional costs of staying in an unhappy marriage, what are the emotional costs of divorce, on you, on your spouse, on your children, parents, siblings, friends.

But is my marriage worth saving? The only person who can answer that is you. But let us be perfectly clear on this. This is a life defining question not to be taken lightly. Coming up with a real answer requires asking a bunch of other hard questions and some pretty deep soul searching, and maybe, just maybe some help that an outside professional dedicated to the happiness of individuals, couples, and families can provide.

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