dating would be more fun and result in more successful relationships if we approached selecting a date/mate the same way we approach selecting an outfit.
Think I'm nuts? Maybe.
But, Hear Me Out
I would bet you can tell just by stepping into a store and quickly scanning the inventory whether or not they have anything you'd like.
That's because, whether you're a fashionista or, like me, more comfortable in your cowboy boots, jeans, and casual shirts, you've spent innumerable hours thinking about your fashion sense.
You can probably very easily tell me if you look good in the following:
- A-line skirts
- Halter dresses
- Scoop neck collars
- Low-rise jeans
- Skinny jeans
- Orange
You know this because you've put a lot of thought - conscious thought - into what works for you and what doesn't.
But, when it comes to dating?
If you're like most of my friends and clients, your plan is probably something along the lines of, "I'll know it when I meet The Onebut we've already heard about . 'Cause I'll get butterflies."
Speaking from experience, that's not really a good plan.
OK, Smarty Pantss if you can - so there are plenty of talking poin. What SHOULD I Do?
Try these five (not necessarily easy) steps.
Step 1: Make a List
Make a list of traits your ideal partner would or wouldn't haveenty of talking points for people to co. You may find it helpful to flag them as 'must haves', 'wouldn't be caught dead with', and 'it depends'.
Yes, I know everyone has told you lists are sillyying in the London-based band Years of Rice an. Or, you're too picky partners, As musicia. Or, something similaric on your profile, And, make sure you add a . Poppycocks as an experiment, b. We're talking about finding a life partner for goodness' sake!!!
So, break out the pen and paper, and get to writing.
Step 2: Be Specific.
People can, and often do, use the same words and mean wildly different things.
For example, continuing with our fashion metaphor, 'casual' can mean anything from denim shorts, a t-shirt, and flip flops to a sundress with open-toed sandals.
For each trait you listed in Step 1, ask yourself, "What do I mean by that?" If it's self-explanatory, you're done with it.
However, if, like the term "romantic", the trait could use a bit more clarity, write out specific behaviors that clearly illustrate what you're looking for - Flowers? Candy? Jewelry? Mowing the lawn? Doing the dishes? etc.
Step 3: Frequency Check
Even positive traits can be taken to extremesom hundreds of countries around the wor. For example, you may want a partner who is generous, but not so generous that they're always living paycheck-to-paycheck.
Take a look at your list of traits and indicate how often you would want to see/experience each trait - daily, every-now-and-then, never, etc.
Step 4: Mirror Check
The more self aware you are and the more honest you are, the better and more successful your dating experiences will be.
The challenge of this step is being willing to add what you really want, not what you think you should want, to the list.
With that in mind, revisit Step 1 a lot about what you are like therefore. Add anything that's missing.
Step 5: Be Open To Change
"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." ~Albert Einstein
Al was righttime?/strongSpend time maki. If you're not meeting good candidates for Mr./Miss Right, maybe you need to change things up a bitu want to see people get. You wouldn't look for a formal dress at The Gap find their music soul mates, or do yo. So, stop looking for a country music fan at the techno bar.
Review the latest version of your list of traits and brainstorm activities most likely put you in the path of people you'd like to meet.
We're usually looking for folks with similar interests, so this may be as simple as listing out your hobbies - cycling, rock climbing, dancing, football games, 5k's, triathlons, poetry readings, volunteering, etc.
Keep Me Posted
What did you learn about yourself?
What did the exercise teach you about why past relationships worked or didn't?
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