Among the many dating sites which have flourished during the last couple of years there are some which advertise themselves as designed for "Quality Singles". These are tailored, apparently, for a "select" group of singles who perceive themselves to be highly intelligent, well-educated, physically-fit, professionally successful and highly paid.
Whether you perceive yourself to belong to this group or not, and whether you have enrolled with such sites or not, the question is: Does being a "quality single" have helped you finding a partner and developing a satisfying, qualified relationship?
If you are still single reading this article, the answer apparently is: NO.
So how do you explain that? How come that in spite of being unique, qualified single, enrolled with a dating site designed for people like yourself, you still haven't found your mate?
The reason may be a simple one: those qualities mentioned above are no guarantee for being able to develop a satisfying relationship. Somehow, there isn't a clear correlation between any of these to your ability to know how to go about developing a healthy intimacy, nor to your awareness of the many ways in which you might be sabotaging your attempts.
WHY?
Because none of these qualities has anything to do with being Self-Aware: with being in touch with who you are; with knowing yourself as much as possible; with realizing a host of factors which might play havoc with you and drive you to harm your attempts at relationship time and again; with understanding how your attitudes, reactions and behaviors with and towards a partner hurt you.
Being bright, intelligent, professionally successful, physically-fit and highly-paid have nothing to do with understanding what relationships entail and how to go about developing and maintaining a successful intimacy.
So what is the secret to knowing and mastering the art of a successful relationship?
The answer is a simple one: the secret knowing and mastering the art of a successful relationship is to be Self-Aware. This means, understanding a host of factors you might not have been aware of until now, such as:
* Are there any fears you are unaware of which sabotage your attempts (such as: fear of commitment which might drive you to run from one relationship after another? Fear of being hurt which might drive you to be cautious, closed, mistrusting?).
* Are there any needs you are unaware of which harm your attempts (such as: the need to be constantly in control? The need to be too caring and "loving" which make your partner feel suffocated?).
* Are you driven by unrealistic expectations about partners and relationships (such as: expecting your partner to behave according to your perception of reality; expecting your partner to always do what you desire, and so on).
* Do you project onto your partners the traits and behaviors you deny and reject as being part of "who you are" (such as: jealousy, stinginess, anger, and so on)? Projecting these cause arguments, conflicts and bitterness, but you are unaware of denying and projecting them.
* Are you controlled by any messages you internalized at a young age about how "should "relationships look like (such as: "a man should always be in control"; "never show your true feelings"; "a woman should sacrifice herself for her partner and children", and so on?).
It is when you become aware of these - and other - factors which exert power over you and drove you to behave in ways which harm your relationships that your qualities come into play: your wisdom and courage to observe yourself, look inside, realize how you have harmed your attempts at relationships until now, and realizing what you need to change in order to succeed. It is then that you become able to de-activate the power these factors have had over you, free yourself from their grip, make the necessary changes and become empowered to develop and maintain a successful and healthy relationship.
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